anyone else catch themselves performing effort in a relationship instead of actually putting it in
not proud of this but i went through a phase where i was doing just enough to look like a present partner without actually being one. texting back quickly, showing up to plans, saying the right things. on paper it probably looked fine. internally i was just going through motions and hoping it read as effort.
the weird thing is it wasn't malicious. i didn't even fully realize i was doing it until she called it out in a way that was so specific i couldn't argue with it. said it felt like i was "there but not really there." and she was right.
took a while to figure out the difference between performing in a relationship and actually investing in one. they can look identical from the outside for a long time. the gap only shows up in the small stuff, whether you remember things, whether you initiate when there's nothing to gain, whether you're present when it's inconvenient.
wondering if this is something guys go through more silently than they admit, or if it's just a me thing.