Robbed of my childhood
It’s a long story.
I was robbed of my childhood experience.
My earliest memory of my parents is me waking up in bed with my parents having sex next to me being covered by the blanket on the mattress I woke up on. I walked over to the bathroom and fell asleep in there. I was probably around 5yrs old back then.
Most of my childhood I don’t remember.
Fast forward to 9yrs old my biological dad who was a known hard drug user in my family separated from my mom because he kept spending all the money on drugs and not basic necessities. Then enters my step-dad. Unlike my Hispanic, drug addicted dad who became homeless after my mom and him separated. My mom who inherited the house met my stepdad; a un-housed black guy who met my mom when he was sleeping in his car.
I remember him asking my mom for any change she was willing to spare saying that he needed money in order to drive back to a specific place/state because he lost his job as a truck driver. (If I’m right, this timeline is the year 2008) fast forward some time (I lose track of how old I am past this point) he moves in with my mom. At that time before he moved in I have two other siblings. One sister and brother. Both at the time were already working jobs. Before he moved in he demanded that both my siblings move out, so over time - she kicked them out or they left on their own. Stepdad moves in…
Growing up with him he was very against buying me things freely, saying I have to earn things. Even taught me how to use BB guns. Going on shopping trips with my mom at grocery stores I noticed that she always buy packs of cigarettes and those big 36 can pack cases of BudLight beer at Walmart.
The garage was converted into a hangout spot for him and his friends who would frequently drink together and after spending all day getting drunk with said friend he’d wobble his way into the living room and watch TV while drinking more beer and eventually fall asleep to the sound of a loud TV since I had to wake up early for school I would often complain to my mom that It was too loud and I had to sleep with the door open so that the light would veer inside, letting me see in my room without hitting my head or tripping on anything when I got up to walk.
This happened frequently and for the times that I went out there to turn it off WHILE HE WAS SNORING TO LOUD TV, he’d wake up instantly saying “why’d you turn it off?”
There have been times where late at night he’d randomly scold me over petty things even yelling loud enough for the neighbors to hear (we lived in a duplex)
Moving towards the timeline where I play video games pretty much every waking hour I’m around 11yrs old. I start to close my room door so I can play games on Xbox there were times where I’d get overwhelmed by the game and would cry at times and he would just call me a cry baby. I had a close relationship with my mom as well so often times I’d hear him calling me a “mamas boy” I’ve seen him slap my moms ass several times, willingly doing it in front of me. He also had a very short temper I had slightly poor vision all my life where having some text in front of me without glasses is slightly blurry but nothing I can’t manage as long as I can make out what it is. So when I see him walking I would take a second to look and he would say “what the hell are you staring at me for!” The same way you’d hear guys say it when in a brawl.
Often times when in a conversation with my mom he would refer to me as “your son” rather than my actual name or “buddy”
Moving forward into my teens where shit really hit the fan. Things I actually remember.
The drinking became worse. One corner of the garage had a large wooden basket the size of a kitchen trash can filled to the brim with crushed BudLight cans with garbage bags filled with more of them.
My relationship with him was non-existent. One night, while I was asleep I woke up to a loud thud at my door. After a minute of staring trying to figure out what happened I realized it was my step dad who barged into my room slammed my room door into the wall with his body, putting a hole in the wall at the handle while BlackOut drunk. The dude couldn’t even stand up straight. Kept leaning over like drug addicts do. Didn’t even say a word, just walked away. Often times he would yell at me because he had to work al lot I remember this one day he confronted me saying “why should I have to work harder because of you!” “You’re not my kid”
He was arrested for DUI on his second or third offense and my mom bailed him out of jail. He Put My mom in debt so badly that she borrowed 1k from my aunt to file for bankruptcy.
He’s hit the mailbox to the house with his car and broke the post.
I got diagnosed with clinical depression and severe anxiety at 16 and was prescribed 60mg of fluoxetine.
During High School I was close to dropping out, went to secondary school, got into drugs.
My relationship with both my parents got worse when I got into Xanax during the Xanax epidemic.
I tried to kill myself on two separate occasions in my life. One by taking either 120mg or 180mg of my antidepressants in one go, got high and slept.
The other time I was having severe restlessness and I took 150mg of over the counter sleeping pills. I had a seizure after taking that and after waking up sweaty on the bathroom floor, still shaking, with a migraine. I don’t know how much time passed by but I’m willing to assume it was up to an hour I stayed in that bathroom before I walked back out into my room.
I had a therapist that my mom signed me up for who I rarely talked to before I was on those antidepressants.
My mom never once punished or argued with him to stop his emotionally abusive habits.
She even married him…she bought her own ring and he bought his own.
I didn’t get my first job until 18/19yrs old and when I’d get back home from work I’d see him in the garage drinking beer for hours with a literal mountain of empty beers next to him on the floor. When I had my job my parents were charging me $500 in rent.
I didn’t learn to drive until I was 20.
I dealt drugs for a short period of time in my life and got close with most gang members in my life.
When I’d ask my stepdad for help with anything he would ignore me or say “you got yourself into this, you can get yourself out of it”
He’s shoved my mom to the ground before while they were arguing.
During the times I’ve went to school I’d hear him punching the wall in the garage while yelling curse words early in the morning.
He convinced my mom to get her tubes tied.
I also remember him telling me that he doesn’t know who his dad is or where he is and that he also had one kid with someone else before he met my mom. Whoever he was dating before he met my mom was smart enough to take full custody of the child.
He would get mad at me far playing music too loudly and even get physically aggressive for taking anything he owned.
There have been very few times where he’d even get annoyed that my mom would take me to get takeout when I’d get angry in some way.
I’m 26 now and my current relationship with him still sucks. When I was 23 I went to visit my mom at her house to say hi and talk, he wasn’t there when we talked for time but he got there after maybe 20 minutes and soon after entering the home he got in my face like guys do when in an altercation and threatened me until I left “his property”
Another time a dog they had adopted was growling and barking at me when I was at the house I was probably 24 at the time and he kept getting annoyed saying “the dog won’t stop growling and barking because it sees you get out of the way” It annoyed him enough to the point that he uses my mom as proxy to tell me anything, no longer wants to see me, talk, anything he will even call the cops on me if he sees me on the house property now.
When my mom asks him for any sort of favor towards me it’s met with hostility and question; always ending with a “No” for an answer.
His views on women are very psychotic and rubbed off on me in the worst ways. Think toxic flirtations and one night stands. That’s basically what he taught me about women.
I fucking hate him with every fiber of my soul and I often have conflicting thoughts about my mom, reason being is because she’s been there for me at times of my life where I really needed the help she was my biggest supporter when I had no one else saying to me that she knows what it’s like to have no one who supports you and even today she still supports me financially when I can’t cover it myself.
I’ll be turning 27 this year and my relationship with women is in shambles. I’ve stopped dealing drugs, stopped using drugs as much, I rarely drink alcohol, I no longer take antidepressants, not suicidal anymore, accepted the fact that my parents are horrible role models…
Also that I’m very lucky to have made it this far into my life and that.. maybe God has other plans for me if you can even this a fortunate thing.
I had a spiritual awakening when I was 23 that got me metaphysical things and while pseudoscience isn’t exactly a therapist or help me in any way.
I get comfort from the idea that karma isn’t biased and that there’s a special place in hell for him. The girl he cheated on my mom with, he wound up having a baby with her. He and my mom are still together, and the girl he had the baby with was a drug addict funny enough and she has ongoing health problems. His health is also slowly declining, last time I saw my POS stepdad he was very skinny compared to how he was when he first entered my life.
He went from being a drunk emotionally and verbally abusive with me to being Christ like and reading the Bible with his new daughter.
He doesn’t ask me how I’m doing at all these days. Bizarrely enough when I tried to build a relationship with my now step-sister he wouldn’t let me take her anywhere let alone talk to her.
I’m pretty sure she’s approaching middle school age now and recently on Instagram my biological dad followed me on Instagram randomly. I blocked him and I don’t even consider that years I spent growing up with my psychotic stepdad an experience. When people ask me who my dad is I honestly just tell them I don’t have a dad.
Legally I actually don’t have a dad. It’s just my mom on my birth certificate.
I’ve practically flipped my life around. I’m the only person in my “family” that goes to church albeit infrequently.
And sadly enough I did try to kill myself for a third time while driving on a freeway by closing my eyes while driving when I was 20yrs old.
Fortunately the car I owned at the time had Lane assist while on cruise control and…that kept me alive. Especially for closing my eyes while driving 75mph down the roads on the freeway.
When I talked to a therapist at my prime suicidal stage I admitted to him that I was pulling chunks of my hair out and had a bald spot at the crown of my head at 18yrs old. It’s called trichotillomania for those of you who don’t know.
Approaching my late twenties now in 2026 and I can confidently say, fuck my parents.
I’m slowly re-parenting myself, teaching myself how to properly treat women through trial and error, not letting anxiety and depression rule my life, turned my life towards God, eating healthier, I don’t pull my hair out on purpose anymore, haven’t tried to commit suicide in the last 6yrs, getting more social, and learning to be my own biggest supporter.
The only thing that I feel that left its scar on me is the fact that I learned to silently cry. I don’t sob loudly anymore. The loudest I get is a sniffle that’s quieter than a flu sniffle, while tears just roll off my face.