AIO
Sorry this is a long one and I can't think of a tldr that's encompassing.
For transparency I used the message generator and changed all names for privacy. Only names have been changed, the rest, including typos and such have been left exactly how it was sent and received.
Would I be over reacting to wanting to cut her off to at this point? For context, my siblings and I were children of neglect and abuse including refusing autism diagnoses as children. We've tried to maintain contact as my parents had taken accountability for SOME of the things they had done. My mother and her husband came to visit me after I got my first apartment without roommates and to celebrate my sons birthday a week late as they live away. I worked hard for this apartment so it felt like a big deal for me too. I was getting set up to do a rather large art project for my mother that she had been asking me to do for months, had my laptop hooked up via hdmi to my tv and was playing shows that way while I got set up. My mom's husband asked if I could change the volume, the only way to do it was the laptop because the remote was lost. I changed it once or twice as I was getting set up and after being asked a third time asked if they could figure it out, admittedly in retrospect a little snappy and rude. I was just tired and trying to get things set up, I hadn't meant to be rude at all.
My mom's husband proceeded to completely blow up and started to scream at me saying I belittled him by asking him to figure it out. He said that he might as well just pack up and leave. I was so taken aback that he'd just blow up I told him that it was probably a good idea that he did. I had a few minutes to calm down and figure out what his issue was so I decided to try to talk to him outside away from my kid which ended with him yelling loud enough that my neighbors and the business that's below my apartment heard. When he came back up he still tried to scream at me and was flinching at me like he was going to hit me which isn't actually out of character for him. He ended up in the kitchen yelling at me while I sat at my table in the dining room then started to throw fake punches. I had to threaten to call the police to get him to stop yelling and actually leave. My mother went with him and as she was leaving was trying to say that I was in the wrong too because "I had a tone" while asking him to figure out something basic and also setting up for a project. She decided not to visit the next day saying that her husband was ready to go back home. I haven't responded to her yet after her last message but I've been well over the shitty things my family does and don't want my son to grown up dealing with shitty grandparents.