Hello to everyone in the community. I’m writing this because I feel lost and urgently need an external and communal perspective that is completely objective, as I feel my own judgment is clouded by fear. I am a university student, and to give you crucial context about my insecurities, I must confess that I have never had a partner in my life. Almost two months ago, I met a classmate who approached me out of nowhere with an extremely euphoric, smiling attitude and an intensity that took me by surprise. From the very first handshake, she wouldn't stop staring fixedly into my eyes while laughing (even during silences), and from that moment on, my academic life has turned into a whirlwind of confusing signals, extreme physical contact, and a background that terrifies me.
The big problem and the source of all my paranoia is her recent relationship status. At the end of April, through rumors and inquiries from a close friend of both hers and mine, I found out that she had just ended a relationship, or at least had taken a "break" from her partner after a move that was apparently a very loud and ugly argument. What makes this situation extremely strange is that when my friend tried to discreetly ask this girl's best friend about the status of that relationship, the friend reacted with absolute terror, immediately silencing him with a desperate gesture for silence.
This girl is hiding the fact that she is single from me, which makes me think that everything is some twisted plan or that she is simply using me as a temporary refuge. However, her behavior toward me defies any logical notion of a simple "friendship." The level of physical contact has broken all my personal space barriers. Not only does she constantly lean on my shoulder, letting her head fall heavily in front of everyone, but she has reached extremes that, honestly, I don't know how to categorize. Once, she literally sank her teeth into my clothes and bit my shoulder out of nowhere while I was distracted, only to smile and stare at me while I tried to process the shock (I mean, she literally bit my shoulder). On another occasion, she smeared the yogurt she was eating onto my lips (even though I refused about 7 times) directly using the same spoon she was eating from, and recently she "fed" me by bringing an almond to my mouth.
Her level of territoriality and exclusivity also has me deeply confused, as she treats me in a way she doesn't replicate with any other classmate (according to observations from my best friend, who is also her friend). She usually intertwines and squeezes her hands with mine for long periods, and when we are studying face-to-face, she stretches and crosses her legs to keep them pressed directly against mine. If any classmate dares to approach my chair to talk to me and cut off our interaction, she scowls, gets genuinely angry, and kicks them out immediately, asking them not to distract us. Also, when our elbows bump and I try to pull mine away to give her space, she presses her elbow against mine, smiling while looking at her notebook.
She also squeezes my sides and abdomen tightly, and has even suddenly hugged me while we were sitting in class. When I asked if something was wrong, she simply said, "Nothing," smiling and looking down. She's even gone so far as to grab my face with both hands, shaking my head from side to side while smiling. Several times, she's also squeezed my cheeks without warning.
During an exam, the professor decided to change my seat and move me away from her; our friends noticed how her face changed instantly, going from joy to a cold and sharp seriousness until class ended, and she ran to hug me. Another day, while saying goodbye to another guy in the group, she looked him in the face and accidentally said my name to him, which caused her to turn red with embarrassment and walk away very fast while laughing. She and her friend even played "rock, paper, scissors" once to see which of the two would stay with me. The hints have been so strong that she even asked me, in front of her friend, if I planned to get married and have children to "continue my lineage" (she asked me this on the second day of knowing each other).
Even once, while going out for lunch, the waiter at the restaurant kept darting his eyes quickly from me to her and from her to me, raising his eyebrows and smiling while continuing that movement. Other classmates also look at us and make signs or smile; they have even told me in private regarding how "physical" she is with me. My best friend has also said she stares at me with "loving eyes."
My personal history won't let me reflect on this. The death of my father during my adolescence and how extremely complicated and harsh my family has been has left me with deep terrors and a paralyzing fear of opening up, convinced that by doing so, I will only receive more pain.
Do you guys think all this behavior is just the attitude of a girl who sees me as a sort of "brother" or "best friend", or have I actually managed to generate a genuine connection with a human being? I appreciate in advance any advice that helps me get out of this mental loop.