Day 0 - Any advice is appreciated
Asalamualaikum, i did not want to be making this post but i guess i will. Even though making this post is hard and embarrassing i will still make it and continue everyday until i stop. I never thought that someone like me would be addicted to some filth like this but here i am. I have done some terrible things, this addiction is the worst thing in my life.
I have been watching and fapping around 3 to 4 times a week now for the past i would say 2 and a half years. Over the past year i have been using video call sites where u can video chat with girls and yes i showed my awrah and did the haram with girls, i did not show my face. (Astaghfirullah wallahi i feel ashamed of even thinking about this, the shaytan has got me so well i cant even believe i have done this, my hand is sweating while i type this, how could i have done something this bad and evil?)
This disgusting, disgraceful sin that i keep doing is actually killing me. The worse part is that nobody knows that i am doing this, on the outside my family and friends think i am normal, they could never imagine me doing this. Sometimes i wonder how i would be ashamed if my family seen me doing this, but i do it when i know my lord is watching.
Every time after i do it i make tawbah and seek forgiveness but i do it again after a few days. I was raised in a muslim household and i have memorised 7 juz of the Quran and am trying to become a hafiz, i always pray my 5 times prayer no matter what, i dont have any grudges with anyone or listen to music or eat harram or do anything. This is the only major thing that is holding me back. I just want to be free, i want to have that feeling of being normal again and not being addicted, having that control over my nafs. Please give me advice on what i can do to stop this. I cannot believe i have been addicted for so long and have progressed to even more evil things like these sites. Please give me advice.