My cheating boyfriend is so self-aware but still can’t stop… what do I do?
I don’t even know if I’m venting or asking for advice at this point.
Me and my boyfriend have been together on and off for almost two years now, and it’s been everything you can think of. Like honestly, if you could write a messy relationship book, this would be it. Cheating, lying, breaking up, getting back together… all of it.
He cheated on me with women, with men, was on Grindr, lied to me for the first few months we even knew each other. And I’m not talking about one or two times… it’s probably double digits at this point. He would lie straight to my face until he got caught.
At one point he even lied about his mom having cancer. That alone should’ve been enough for me to leave, and I know that.
What’s frustrating is that he’s not in denial. He’s VERY self-aware. He will literally sit there and tell me exactly what he did wrong, why he did it, how it affected me, and how it could have been prevented. Like he gets it. He really does.
We’ve tried everything. He’s tried therapy, tried getting closer to Christ, deleted social media, we even tried porn blockers and app blockers. For a little while I thought things were actually changing. He stopped smoking and a lot of the behaviors slowed down, and I really believed maybe this time was different.
But recently he started smoking again and it was like a chain reaction. Everything started coming back.
And today… I caught him cheating on me again while he was at work.
I finally told him I was done.
He has trauma from when he was younger and I know that plays a role, but at the same time… how much can that excuse? At what point is it just a choice?
I’ve always believed “once a cheater always a cheater,” but he made me question that for a while. Now I feel like I just ignored all the signs.
We’ve broken up multiple times and I kept going back, and I hate that I did.
I guess I’m asking… is this even real self-awareness, or is it just manipulation if nothing actually changes? And is there ever any hope in a situation like this?
I feel stuck between what I know I should do and what I kept allowing… but I think this time I actually mean it when I say I’m done.