I have grown up always considering myself a transman, but now that I've entered a healthy environment and had the time to think about me, this simply is not true at all.
I have always preferred he-him masculine pronouns and treatment, but I experience no dysphoria or distaste for being a woman, in fact I do enjoy being a woman I just don't like being feminine, and I don't like people referring to me as one...at the same time I like dressing feminine just..less in the traditional way you'd imagine, but more of an alt way if that makes sense.
I do not believe I'm a transman, going back on that again, due to the simple fact I have no want or need to actually be a man. I want to remain a woman, just, without being called one, I use a masculine name and pronouns. I'm not genderfluid as what I feel like never changes, and I'm not nonbinary, I like having a defined label, but none of these identities have felt comfortable to me. I realized that I never felt body dysphoria in the way that I wanted to be a man, but in the way, I felt like women could never love me unless I was a man, as my dating field consisted strongly of women. This distorted view of the world is a big reason I'm only discovering myself now.
Transmasc is something I've explored but it just doesn't feel right, butch is the closest to home, but something still feels..missing.. and I'm not sure what. Ideas or suggestions are so much help!