u/HamaTakam

I have been in Japan for 10 years, Tokyo for 3. I did Kyudo where I lived before (2dan) and have been wanting to take it up again.

There a great-looking dojo a short train ride from my house, but they only have openings for experienced newcomers twice a year - this weekend in fact.

I emailed the organiser back and forth, and even told him I had pretty long bow (6sun-nobi) so it was clear I was a tall guy. But when I got there today, I was told there was a height limit of 180cm.. and I am 186 so I was refused membership.

They were nice enough about it (and said it wasn't became I'm a foreigner), but it seems very strange. Especially as it was in front of everyone else. Has anyone experienced anything else like this with other martial arts or dojos? Just for reference, I work in a Japanese company so language is not an issue.

Unfortunately, the only two other dojos I can get to either have practice sessions when I am at work, or were very unfriendly, so I looks like I'm going to have to find another hobby.

I'm a gay in their late 30s, generally have a good sex life. I've been in a long distance open relationship with an older guy for two years which is wonderful.

As we're on different continents, we only see each other a few times a year, so I hook up a lot in between times - normally once or twice a week. Either with regular buddies or at saunas etc. But I've noticed a shy away from penetration with other guys, and have done for over a year or so.. and I can't figure out why.

With my bf I'm vers and I love fucking/getting fucked, zero issues and huge pleasure. But with other guys, I really want to do kissing/touching/rimming/oral/power play stuff etc.. but I find I just don't want to fuck like I used to. Sure, sexual tastes change BUT every time I cum with these guys I imagine myself fucking the guy (or him being fucked by someone else) and that's what makes me orgasm. So I still - on some level - really get turned on by it.

When I was in my 20s/early 30s I fucked almost every time I had sex and I loved it. But recently I've noticed I don't get as hard as I used to or stay as hard during fucking, bb or with condoms. I'm trying to work out what is happening here..

Some ideas..

- Prep: I have had a lot of medication anxiety in general (I struggle with antibiotics because I'm worried about side effects) so prep is a high hurdle. It generally makes me feel sick, drowsy and lowers libido, but this could easily be anxiety induced. I currently avoid this by only doing penetration with my bf, and side stuff with others. So any penetration with other guys requires prep, and this triggers anxiety..

- Porn: I watch porn and masturbate 3/4 times a day.. I'm wondering if this might be affecting it.

- Control: with my bf there is no prep, no anxiety and I can completely let myself go. Cuming by my own hand with other guys/in saunas is just easier. With other guys I feel there is a bit more pressure to perform - I'm a 6 foot toned white guy living in Asia so a lot of my partners expect to get fucked.. (and I used to love doing so).

It used to be fine.. with my bf it's fine.. but now I'm avoiding it for some reason. Its kind of getting me down because I'd love to be out there (safely) fucking again like I did 5 or so years ago.. but there's a block somehow. My bf is lovely and supportive and just says 'just do side stuff then' - but I miss fucking.

If anyone has any advice or insights, I would be very grateful. Thank you.