u/GuiltySubject25

First of all, i would like to state that i know i don't have to label ourselves if we don't want to, but personally, it helps me get a sense of stuff. Until now we've said both of them are both, along with their other jobs. I will only say the initial of their names which are R (me :P, she/he/they) and D (she/her)

D is besides the host/co host, a social alter, a persecutor and an academic. She fronts while being with friends and around people which is around half the day.

I (R), am besides the host/co host a caregiver mostly. I front outside of platonic social interactions, and around family. I also front online and it's one of my positive triggers. Thing is, because of my caregiver role, I'm always in co front or co consciousness to help people around.

For "order of existance", I'm the original host and D split off somewhere around when we were bodily 9, being our third alter.

D identifies with the body, whereas i have a general low sense of identity, especially because I'm most often really blendy, but i have an attitude of "I'll work with what i got" even though i do have a vague sense of what i should look like in a way. I also have a different age than the body (by 1 year tho) whereas D identifies full with our legal data.

I know those labels are not clear cut, but who do you think sounds more as the main host and who sounds more like a co host?

I thought i was faking for such a big while due to lack of amnesia and then i realised... I have loads od amnesia bro 😭✨

We're a suspected OSDD 1B system with pretty good memory sharing thingy, but i realised how foggy all my memories when another alter is fronting are so much more foggy than i originally realised cause i have to like... Well how i imagine it is pushing past fog and the harder i push, the more i uncover, but it's also hard and gets me disassociated too.

We also have a shit ton of grey out amnesia, specifically from anything before the age of 9 and during holidays. Me and the alter that fronts around friends have pretty good memory sharing but like i said, it's the fog thing, but we have a separate 2 alters that usually front during holidays and i can almost never remember anything from holidays.

Just thought that was interesting, especially since when i first started researching stuff, i thought "how could someone not realise they have amnesia?" and ended up being one of the people lol. Have a good day everyone and take care of yourselves!

Don't get me wrong. I love being a caregiver and a co host. But sometimes i just can't brush off the feeling that they're ruining our lives. The host/co host/social alter is a fucking persecutor and she keeps being a dick to everyone

Then we have another persecutor that literally her whole goal is just pissing people off until they hate us and i can't do anything about and the other borderline prosecutor who's just violent as shit (usually when it's appropriate but istg, i just want him to let me handle that stuff)

Like i love my headmates and i get that i need to get a better relationship with them in order to heal but GOD i just want them to stop messing up our shit and then i have to deal with all my and their bad feelings. I wish they just weren't a part of me/the system but they are