AITA for telling bfs mom to stay out of his bank account?
For some context, my bf(24m) and I(23f) have been together for 5 years. We have our own home and an 8 month old son.
BFs mom is the kind of woman who’s always kept note on everything going on and tends to be controlling. She also works at the bank we both have accounts at. For years, (even before we started dating) she’s kept tabs on his account. He would make a purchase and within a few hours to a day, she would call or text and reprimand him for making a purchase she didn’t approve of. I was never one to speak up to her about it (despite me being weirded out by it) because I chalked it up to her trying to be helpful. To this day she’s still often viewing his account.
However, in Dec 2024 I got a payout from a car accident that was deposited into the account at that bank. I used the money for necessary maintenance on my car and vet visits. She messaged my BF about a week later that I “was going through the money awfully fast). This immediately pissed me off. To those that don’t know, when you work at a bank, it’s illegal and a violation of policy to view family members and coworkers bank accounts. Because of these rules and an invasion of my privacy, I kindly messaged her and asked that she stay out my account. She left me on read and I know she was talking behind my back to BF’s family, but I needed to make a boundary.
Things were fine for a while, until a few days ago. Bfs mom messaged him and told him to make sure we got our car loan paid before 30 days. (We literally paid it that day) At this point I lost it. I had enough of this woman being in our accounts. I also messaged bf that night with the following “I understand she’s just trying to help, but if your mom is in our accounts again I’m gonna go to [CEO] (It’s a small chain). She’s not supposed to be in coworker or family accounts. We were specifically told that. It’s an invasion of privacy. I know she’s used to handling and keeping an eye on everything, but this isn’t hers to handle”
I tried to be as nice as possible but I was furious. She has no business being in our accounts when we’re grown adults with our own home and child. BF called her the next morning and she was upset at my threat to tell the CEO on her. Apparently, she’s been helping out a loan officer and was given a list on accounts to contact regarding a late loan. However, it’s her responsibility to uphold the policy and not access the account. She should’ve told this loan officer that she’s not supposed to be in the account and had someone else handle it. Instead she texted BF about it. I’ve explained till I’m red in the face that it’s weird she’s keeping tabs on our accounts. It makes me uncomfortable to have somebody up in my business that’s not theirs to be in. BF doesn’t understand how it’s weird and says I’m overreacting. His friend says that maybe it’s just their “dynamic”. I call bs. AITA for telling her to stay out of the accounts and finding it weird?