u/Gregori665

I don't have very many friends. I keep sending them things and getting left on read or ignored completely. It hurts so bad. I get they're probably just busy. But do they not care enough to even acknowledge my presence? I keep trying to remind myself that they do like me. But thinking about times when they were nice to me and times when they actually reached out to me just makes me feel like I did something to make them not like me anymore. I'm starting to prepare myself mentally for them to just completely abandon me. I wish I wasn't so needy. Maybe it's not that big of a deal. But it feels like the end of the world.

I'm 19 and a virgin. Never kissed or anything. I get really intense anxiety around sex. I'm not asexual. I masturbate regularly and view/listen to porn occasionally. I don't really know how to describe it. I'm pretty unattractive so maybe it stems from jealousy. I can be kind of childish so I think I feel like people who have sex are better than me because they're more grown-up. When I think about my friends' relationships I get worried about them. Like I'm worried they're being treated badly or will be assaulted. I have negative assumptions about people who are promiscuous, attractive, flirty, etc. I assume they're vapid or dumb. I know this is wrong, but my thoughts can be hard to control. Do other people deal with this??