This is a pretty big deal for me to post and ask. It's been on my mind and I really don't know what to do about it.
I (ftm/19) and my partner (mtf/20) have been together for almost two years now. The question about polyamory had popped up a few times. I expressed I was not really interested and the conversation just kinda stopped there.
I have told my partner many times that it's not something I'm really comfortable with. One of the main reasons being I have BPD and just would not be able to deal with the jealousy if I allowed it to start.
My partner has said that her hyper fixation has been sex, and supposedly thinks of it like an activity to do with friends and people she enjoys the company of. That part doesn't make so much sense to me as I think about it as a special connection between two people.
The conversation came up today again and I kind of exploded on her trying to explain why I'm uncomfortable with it. I also said to her that someone who loves somebody would not be doing something that hurts them this much. That was probably wrong on my part.
I just don't want to lose her in any way, she is my soulmate and I've never had a connection like this with another human being. But this polyamory thing is really difficult for me to understand.
I think I covered all the bases, if any other information is needed please ask.
All advice is welcome, please tell me if I'm being an asshole about the situation
Again, I don't want to lose her in any way, so if anybody knows a way to somehow be okay with it, please tell me