Warning girlfriend of predatory guy
When I was 13, a 21 year old man messaged me on Instagram telling me I was beautiful, and we started talking. He was from the USA and I’m from Europe, so we never met in person.
Like many young girls, I was flattered by the attention from an older guy. I lied and said I was 14 because I was turning 14 in a week anyway, and he responded with the usual “you seem and look so mature.” When I later told him I had actually been 13 when we first started talking, he didn’t seem to care. The age of consent in his state is 18.
He did message me sometimes about how he wish we could have sex and once tried to manipulate me into sending nudes, which I wasn’t comfortable with, so i didn’t. He messaged on and off until i turned 15, where he blocked me because he found a girlfriend his own age.
Years later, when I was around 20, he requested to follow me again. I messaged him saying that what he had done felt inappropriate and weird. He replied by saying he had only been 16 at the time and “didn’t know better,” which felt like an attempt to downplay it. I know for a fact he was born in 1996.
Now I’m 23, and looking back on it, I feel a lot of disgust. It’s disturbing to me that a grown man could try to take advantage of and groom a young teenage girl without any consequences.
A few weeks ago, I messaged him saying: “Looking back as an adult, I can see that a 21-year-old talking to a 14-year-old the way you did was really weird and not okay.” He didn’t respond, so I assume he deleted it.
Now I’m unsure about what to do next. I’m considering messaging his girlfriend about his past behavior, but I’m conflicted. It doesn’t feel fair to her, since she hasn’t done anything wrong, and they’ve apparently been together for a couple of years.
At the same time, I keep thinking that if my boyfriend had done something like this, I would want to know so I could get away from him.
I’m trying to figure out whether telling her would be genuinely helpful to her, or if it’s coming more from anger or a need for closure and accountability.