I am a very vocal person. If something doesn’t feel right to me, I say it right away because I don’t want to keep those feelings or thoughts bottled up inside me.
My partner, whom I’ve been with for 9 years—my first love, my greatest love... our relationship is far from perfect. We’re always fighting, and I decided to live with him just to test if we could really work things out. I’ve been living with him for a month now, and I can say there’s no difference from when we were long-distance. The days still aren’t good, and I have to make sure I’m not the only one trying to fix us. I told him everything, reminded him of my dislikes again and again. Him? No answer. No commitment. No action.
Then, when it comes to sex...
I know some women can relate—they’re not fully satisfied with their partner. I told him he doesn’t please me. There’s no foreplay. He always just puts himself inside me even though I’m dry as hell. No kisses. No cuddles after.
It frustrates me.
When I wanted to please myself, even with him lying right beside me, I tried to fantasize about another man. I even tried to push myself to look for someone else. I almost wanted to cheat.
Right now, I just got off with my own fingers, gasping and sweating—because who the hell masturbates at 1 p.m. in the middle of a hot afternoon?
But when I tried to fantasize, and I was already at my climax, I still whispered his name. His presence.
Maybe this love will never die. And maybe I just need to accept the fact that some men can’t please their women.