I’m F35 dating M31 and I’m scared he’s emotionally avoidant
Hello,
I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. It’s still early, but I’m starting to worry he might be avoidant because I’ve had past relationships with avoidant partners, and they ended badly.
From the beginning, he seemed straightforward, but he takes a very long time to reply to texts sometimes 20–24 hours. That already makes me feel a bit uncertain.
When I asked about his relationship with his family, he told me that growing up, his parents were always fighting, which made him hate conflict because he just wanted it to stop. He said now he has a good relationship with his family, but they rarely talk maybe once a month.
His past relationship was one serious relationship that lasted 7 years, mostly long-distance because they lived in different cities. When they finally moved in together, he said they realized they were incompatible and decided to end it. After that, he left the country for a job opportunity.
Since then, he dated casually for about 4 years until meeting me. I told him I’m not interested in casual dating, and he said he is also looking for a long-term relationship.
The confusing part is that he does plan dates, shows effort, and is very attentive when we’re together. But between dates, it often feels like I don’t exist. There’s very little connection or effort to stay in touch, which feels disappointing, especially this early on when we’re supposed to be getting to know each other.
What’s your opinion? Do you think I should ask him more direct questions to figure out if he’s avoidant, or should I just give it more time?
TL;DR: Dating a guy for over a month who is attentive and plans dates in person, but texts very little and replies after 20–24 hours. His family background and conflict avoidance make me worry he might be avoidant. Should I ask directly or give it more time?