I (24F) got herpes from a guy (33M) I met on hinge. We’ve been dating for about 6 months now. We had had sex a few times and it was going great, then one night he went down on me, after that I contracted ghsv-1. I had no idea that he had oral herpes, and he had no idea that oral herpes could spread to genitals. He didn’t even have an active sore, which means he was probably virally shedding, or maybe it was just starting to form.
He was supportive through the whole process, extremely apologetic, took me to the doctor, and comforted me while I was in the worst pain. I cried for days, feeling like my life was over, trying to hide my hurt from him. I told myself over and over that he didn’t know and he didn’t mean to give it to me. Luckily I haven’t had another outbreak after my first. We even joke about it now, he’s an amazing guy.
So why can’t I help but feel angry still?
I did so much research, and I know that herpes really isn’t THAT big of a deal, but the stigmatism is what’s getting to me the most. I haven’t told a single person in my life, none of my friends or family. I’m terrified of what they’ll think, especially of him. My boyfriend is the only one that knows.
I had to go to work and pretend like I wasn’t in pain. A week after I contacted it, while I was on my antivirals, a conversation about herpes came up with my coworkers. One of them started talking to a guy who had herpes and she was telling everyone how she doesn’t know if she should continue dating him. Everyone was talking about it for a while, and how they wouldn’t ever risk being with someone who had herpes. I had to listen to all of that while I stood there, with herpes. I wanted to die. I tried to explain how herpes worked with some of them (without telling them I had it) and they seemed to be a bit more understanding.
It’s wrong, but sometimes I think, “what if this relationship doesn’t end up working out? No one else will ever want me.” I guess I’m coming on here to share my experience and maybe get some advice from other people with herpes to help me get over this resentment I feel. I can’t talk to anyone about this, because right now I don’t want anyone to know. It makes me feel like a terrible person, to someone who has been kind to me through it all.