I 20M have been dating 19F for almost a year and shes been my gf officially for 4 months. Although our relationship isnt bad per se and we don't argue all that much I can't help but feel like something has been missing from the very start in our relationship and I'm scared that despite how much we're both trying and communicating that we're just downright incompatible together. People have told me you just "know" when you're meant to be with someone but i have yet to feel that way and i find myself frequently rethinking my whole relationship...
It mostly stems from the fact that I just never really felt any "butterflies" for her like she has for me. I've never felt particularly excited to see her, nor do i honestly feel like I've been much happier since i met her compared to when I was single. I never felt like we "got eachother" at any point and compatibility has been a constant worry of mine from the very start.
Anyways, shes my first serious gf and what really made me continue dating her is that she was actually easygoing, made me feel loved and wasnt playing games unlike other girls ive dated in the past. So even though i had worries from the start and i didnt feel we "clicked" i was kind of naively hoping its something thatll just develop with time and didnt think much of it.
Fast forward to almost a year of us knowing eachother and a horrific gut feeling is eating at me daily. I constantly worry in the back of my head "is she really the right one for me?" and yes I have seriously considered breaking up for the past few months...
I feel attracted to her physically but emotionally i feel like we're incompatible. I kinda dislike her humor (huge thing for me) and our conversations feel dull a lot of the times because shes too afraid of saying what she actually thinks cause shes worried that ill judge her so she just closes off completely every time we disagree on a topic. Ironically, i actually love to debate and see a different persepctive on stuff so its made it very difficult to do that with her and i miss it cause id do it with my friends all the time. Emotionally, i dont feel like my needs are met. Aditionally despite having similar hobbies we have completely different tastes in music, fashion, everything literally and it makes it really hard to relate to eschother. It just feels exhausting to do most things together and always takes a lot of compromising from both of us instead of it just flowing nicely.
For a long time now i also havent really seen a future together which makes me feel horrible to say cause shes always planning stuff for us to do months in advance and the most I can really do is just nod along and i feel so guilty most of the time. Although ive tried forcing myself to make some plans long term so she doesnt feel alone in planning stuff its still never quite felt right to me and its definetely made me feel terrible a lot of times.
Theres a lot of other things im not really mentioning but i just feel really unhappy lately and ive tried changing everything in my life outside of my relationship and im just so scared of whats next cause nothing seems to be helping.
I feel like im running out of things to try at this point and I know damn well that it shouldnt be this difficult while we should technically be in the honeymoon phase by most standards. I just love her so much and im terrified of breaking her heart, but that fear can only keep me in a relationship for so long because the anxiety and stress is steadily building in me.
What really gets me is that when i search up what im feeling most stories on reddit match subreddits on married couples and certainly not fresh relationships.
TL:DR i love my gf, but despite caring for her deeply i just dont feel "in love" and im scared i never will.