She broke up with me after a little over four years together.
I decided to move out of the house because she wanted to “living her single life”. I knew that wouldn’t be good for my mental health, so while she was out of town, I packed my things, and left (she was away meeting up with a guy).
From that day on, I haven’t spoken to her or answered any of her calls.
During the first few days, she contacted me about some loose ends related to the place we were renting.
Then, midweek, she seemed to have some kind of breakdown. She called me all afternoon and sent a huge number of messages saying she was going to leave the country and sell the things I’d left behind (stove, washing machine, etc.).
When I didn’t respond, she contacted my mom and told her she didn’t want things to end like this. My mom just calmed her down and told her I didn’t want to speak with her anymore.
As the days went by, she started insisting on seeing my dog. Then she reached out again to say she wasn’t leaving the country after all.
About a week later, she wrote again with a kind of “closure” message, saying she wanted to keep only the good memories, that she didn’t understand my attitude, and that she didn’t hate me.
I thought that would be her last message, but a few days later she texted again to tell me she had gotten a puppy. She sent me a photo and said she didn’t feel alone anymore, that she missed my dog but understood that I didn’t want to let her see her.
She also said it hurt to be in the house where there were so many memories, and that a lot of unanswered questions kept coming to her mind.
When I didn’t respond, she sent one last message:
“I won’t write to you anymore. Goodbye!!”
That last message almost made me break no contact (because of his dog photo). Throughout our relationship, I tried to break up with her at least ten times (maybe more), but I never could. I remember she would get really upset and cry a lot, she even begged me not to leave her.
Every time I tried to end things, I would also end up devastated and overwhelmed with guilt.
I remember that in the last few days we lived together, I told her I wouldn’t have a problem with her seeing my dog to say goodbye (she had been thinking about leaving the city). She replied bluntly, “I don’t like goodbyes.”
That, combined with the fact that I don’t ever want to see her again, is why I haven’t responded to her messages about my dog.
I feel like I got my closure the moment I found out she wanted to sleep with other men (she’s completely free to do that, we weren’t together anymore, but for me that was the point of no return).
What’s messing with me mentally is that even though I feel like I have that closure, I still feel a lot of guilt. I don’t know, it’s like her messages reopened everything I used to feel when I tried to break up with her.
Everyone I’ve talked to about this says the same thing: “she’s trying to manipulate you.”
Honestly, I don’t even know what to believe anymore. The only thing I do know is that I want to get rid of this damn guilt.