My first experience dating a person with bpd; how do i interpret this and move forward?
We're both college students(i am male, she's female). I had overheard that she said I was cute so I decided to ask her out. And btw, this is legit the absolutely prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life and so I felt hyped up to get a date with her.
Anyways, we went out on a few dates, and after a week she invited me over and we kissed, slept together etc. and in general did a lot of emotional connecting like talking about life, goals, sharing secrets and so on. I then spent 3 days at her apartment and somewhere around 2nd day she told me she is diagnosed with BPD but was reluctant to tell me that so that I don't run away from her (and this came more as a result of me asking her if she wants to share stuff that bothers her with me, because I always noticed how depressed she looks).
Besides BPD, she has self-harm injuries, she talked about how often she hates her existence and wishes for her constant suffering to end; also has some problems with weed and alcohol etc.. But of course I was already in love with her at that point and I told her I would be supportive and understanding of her and never leave her.
Nevertheless, a few days later when I left back to my apartment(just a few kilometers away) to pick up some of my stuff, she hit me with a long whatsapp message "i don't want you to think i don't like you, i absolutely do but you know i have my own problems and i don't feel ready for a relationship and i don't know what i want in life" etc. We decided to talk in person a day later and she said how guilty she feels, how I am perfect for her and wishes we had met later and that if she isn't gonna date me now she won't date anyone else, and that she will hit me up for a coffee and that we can see each other here and there. And so this ended on pretty good terms.
It's been a month and half since then, and I have seen her in person only a few times but she is fully ignoring me. Now, I understand that this is probably over, that she doesn't want me and that's it, but it still hurts and I sort of feel dumb for still thinking about her even though we've known each other for only 2 weeks; it's just that I liked her, we were intimate, and it ended very abruptly without like a nice concrete reason so to speak; I guess that's why I am still stuck( and again, goddamn is she beautiful)
What's from here? will she ever reach out or just remain in silence? what do i do.