So I'm diagnosed with BPD, whether it's actually the disorder or trauma I don't really care, but I show most of the symptoms.
So I'm genuinely wondering how much control you have over a disorder like this. I've been in pretty intensive therapy and think I should have most of the tools to actually live a next to normal life. On one hand my life has improved so much but my self destructive tendencies tend to take the upper hand quite a bit. I work behind the bar so late nights, I haven't cut out alcohol or weed, still use sex as a way to feel better about myself and smoke cigarettes. I'm fully aware that the best treatment for a disorder like BPD is to have a structured life without alcohol, drugs etc. But I feel like it sucks to HAVE to do all that to function in a society where other people can do all these things just fine and not go insane.
Do other people also feel like they have every ability to change their life around, but just kind of don't want to do it? Or is that just part of the self destructive nature of BPD?
Should I listen to my own advice of structurizing my own life??? Is that actually doable?
(I would have to quit my job and find a new one, give up a lot of my social life since it's centered around smoking and drinking and probably change a lot more) I already gave up SH because it was starting to get outa hand, so I guess that's a step in the right direction.
Idk aAAAAAAAH
IT ALL FEELS UNFAIR AND STUPIDD