Asalam.
My husband and I have recently reconciled after a 3 month break (we have a 1 year old child). The reasons I left were because I felt like he wasn’t making an effort with our child or me. Whenever I asked him for help he just wouldn’t care. He always expected me even after having the child to go and help his parents at their home and clean their home and cook for them (I didn’t mind doing that when I had no kid).
Whenever he used to get home he would pick the baby up for about 5 minutes then come to the realisation that he was done with him and would eat and go to his game room. All I asked for was a bit of help. Like when he got home just take him for 20 minutes so I can shower and relax. One time he put the baby to sleep after work and after that he said he didn’t need to it because he’s already done it before. Eventually I had to sit down with him and have a serious conversation. Now I understand he provides fully. And the home is mine to tend to but now there’s a kid involved so atleast just a little help adjusting would’ve been nice.
So I went somewhere where I could get help and I told him I was leaving he didn’t want me to but I left to my parents home. My mother alhamdullilah was such a great help she would give me breaks and help me out. My father loved having the baby over aswell. My husband would often come to my family home but wouldn’t enter and he would take the baby to his family and have him for the day. I had no concerns because my husband is self sufficient when he wants to be. He’s the eldest in his family he used to cook for his siblings when their parents were working he used to take care of them all (changing them, feeding them, clothing them, entertaining them.) so he can do it. That’s what’s more annoying. He was very cold towards me.
Eventually I came back home. And alhamdullilah it worked he helps all the time now and doesn’t complain about anything. I do make sure he’s not doing too much because he works aswell it’s not like he is just relaxing so I try to give him just like little tasks around the house. Now that our child is a bit older I think he finds it easier to interact with him and he has a lot of fun.
The problem is that he’s just distant and awkward. When I came home he had changed the gaming room into his own. He put a bed in there and wardrobe and everything. I took a look at our room and was very confused he told me that I can share the room with our son when it should be our son with his own room and me and him sharing. When I asked him why the change he said just how you wanted space for 3 months now I want space. I didnt really say anything back to him but I was super sad. Sleeping in the house without him just feels wrong.
He won’t let me in his room and whenever I try to come in he’ll just be like why are you barging in what if I was changing. He’s changed infront of me so many times so I don’t know what the big deal is. I haven’t tried being intimate with him because he’s just not approachable however sometimes he just sits beside me in silence briefly and I’ll hold his hand and I get about max 5 minutes before he shrugs me off and I jokingly tell him tomorrow I’ll get 6 minutes and he just laughs.
How do I slowly break the ice? I’m not sure if he thinks I’m just going to up and leave again so that’s why he’s not saying anything. Because I genuinely love him. He’s a good man at heart. When we reconciled i apologised for anything i did & I made it clear that I don’t hold anything against him because this is his first experience with a child aswell. But I’m not sure where to go from here.