What possesses someone so close to me to do this?
What possesses someone so close to me to do this?
FYI I have no clue if she has this condition but from the past I did attract this type of person so I’m starting to question everything
We met when we were young in school. We were both really popular, but I was more popular because I was a part of a larger friend group. Back then, I was incredibly naive and far too kind. Looking back, she took advantage of my people-pleasing tendencies a lot. She would constantly ask me to go out with her before school to eat or go shopping. I vividly remember once, for her birthday, she guilt-tripped me about not having a lot of money, and I ended up paying for a whole new, expensive piece for her—even though I didn’t have anything like that for myself.
As time went on, because I was in a big friendship group, I was quite distracted. She would constantly manufacture arguments to throw in the middle me and her to break us up. Naturally, being who I am, I would try to resolve it before eventually giving up. I don’t even know how we always ended up becoming friends again; I’m guessing she realized she would never find anyone else like me. We probably broke up and made up 3 or 4 times in school. During one of our fallouts, she purposefully embarrassed me in front of a crowd of my friends to make me less popular, but her attempts never worked. She always had another "best friend" on the side and tried to paint me as the backup, even though we both knew I was her only real option—even if I didn't invest 100% of my time in her.
I remember getting braces and being super happy, and she was visibly upset by this positive change in my life. Later, I got a boyfriend in school, and she wasn't keen on that either. We eventually lost touch because she somehow painted me as the villain when I was literally being controlled and abused by my boyfriend at the time. (Bear in mind, throughout our friendship, there were always external forces trying to break us up—my dad, my mum, other friends, and my boyfriend).
After a long relationship, my boyfriend dumped me. Looking back, I feel like I told her things in confidence, and she spread them so they would get back to him. Left feeling angry and isolated (thinking my ex destroyed everything) , I decided to reach back out to her.
Things seemed okay at first, but they turned sinister quickly:
I started being used for meals out again.
She would constantly praise me for "not being boring like her other friends."
I regularly spent loads of money at restaurants, paying for half of meals I hadn't even eaten.
Her mum would smoke right in front of me, which triggered my very severe smoking addiction. And her mum ended up being racist to me twice with no intervention from her, her mum would often use me for things, if I’d bring back anything to their house it would be eaten or drank. Her mum would always question me about why I wouldn’t leave my stuff at her house (to say if I don’t trust them) but I remember once I plugged in my plug and it was swapped with a budget one of hers.
During the years we weren't friends (while I was with my ex), she ended up copying my college choice, my mental health conditions, and even my university degree. The last time I saw her, she mocked my outfit choice. A few months later, she started wearing the exact same style of clothing (that tight, "hot girl" vibe). She even went as far as getting diagnosed with the exact same mental health conditions and prescribed the same medications as me. She even claims she has "a bit" of my ethnicity in her blood. Yet, to this day, she still talks about her other friends to me as if they are on a higher pedestal.
It makes me sick to my stomach. I shared my deepest traumas with her, and now I'm realizing she has likely spread them to peers from our old school. Recently, she stayed at my house and asked me what the financial value of it was.
I’ve finally realized she either wants to literally be me, or she is a ruthless social climber. It breaks my heart to think I potentially lost the love of my life and other cherished friendships because of her (she would talk badly about me to others when she was jealous of my boyfriend).
( I realised she might’ve been doing this when someone from my old school called me and she accidentally said something about my health that only she would know as I’m pretty sure I only told her about my health problem so the fact this completely different friend said it made things click)
My questions for Reddit:
What is the psychological explanation behind someone trying to break you down while simultaneously adoring and copying everything you do?
Since going to therapy and realizing all of this, I've stopped replying to her as much so I can focus on my recovery. Now, she is frantically trying to get my attention on every single app. I have never received this much attention from her in my life. It is non-stop.
How do I take back my power in this dynamic when I am terrified to even post or talk about what I am up to because I know she will copy it and how do I even bring this up to resolve, I’ve read if you suppress things for too long it can lead to autoimmune diseases