My wife and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2, but because of the military we’ve barely ever lived together long term outside of about 6 months in college. I’m active duty at Camp Lejeune with 1.5 years left on my current contract, and I’m leaning toward reenlisting because the long-term benefits and retirement seem worth it.
Right now my wife works as an apartment manager in Northern Virginia. She gets free rent and decent pay in a very high cost-of-living area, but there’s limited upward mobility because the next position above her was recently filled. She’s now getting an offer for another role in Blacksburg, and it’s brought up a bigger issue for us: it feels like we’re headed toward being long-distance for another 4–10 years with no clear end in sight.
She wants to stay with her company and continue building her career, which I completely understand. The problem is that the job market near Camp Lejeune is rough, and moving here would almost certainly mean worse opportunities for her professionally. She’s worried that if she gives up her career momentum to move here, she’ll eventually resent me for it.
At the same time, I’m honestly struggling with how little time we actually spend living as a married couple. Financially we’d be fine on my income alone, and part of me feels like we should rip the band-aid off and prioritize finally living together. I don’t want to pressure her into sacrificing her goals, but I also don’t know how sustainable this distance feels long term.
I guess I’m looking for advice from people who’ve dealt with balancing marriage, military life, and career ambitions. How do you decide whose career takes priority, and how do you avoid resentment either way?
tl;dr
I’m an active duty Marine at Camp Lejeune and my wife currently has better career opportunities in Virginia, while jobs near me are pretty limited. She’s worried moving here would hurt her career and cause resentment, but I’m struggling with how little we actually get to live together as a married couple and don’t want us to spend the next 4–10 years long distance.