Is there such a thing as forever love? 2.5 Years Together, F31,M25
In the last week, my world has been completely flipped upside down. I used to think whole heartedly that I was in a relationship where my boyfriend and I could defy all odds of the world and that he would absolutely love me forever no matter what and I him. I truly thought that our love was perfect in the sense that we will make it through absolutely anything. I’ve never felt a love like his or been with someone as kind as him. He’s not perfect but to me he comes close to it. For context, we’ve been together almost 3 years. He’s younger than me and pursued me hard. I first said no because the age gap and was like no never. But then, I fell in love. We’ve talked about all the important conversations and how we would compromise since he’s younger and I’m older.
However, last week we got into an argument (my fault) and the problem is that I AM the problem and have been for so long. I’ve been continuously on this cycle with him where I get mad a lot over the dumbest things and ruin a lot of moments with us. I get so so mad about the stupidest things and keep it going for so long and I guess the last month I’ve been pretty consistent and awful. I told him we should break up out of anger and he said no as he always does but then after a few days passed of my anger, I apologized and we talked and he admitted that if this cycle continues we’d break up. He can’t constantly be trying to fix everything all the time. And I stupidly asked, how long would have been until he left if this continued and he said idk like maybe 4 months. And that broke me and shattered my heart. The thought of him leaving and the fact that he would pretty soon when I truly thought we were unbreakable just completely ruined my idea of us and I can’t get my head back to where we were. He’s still being normal and loving me so much since then but when im alone I just break down cause I feel like there’s no forever love. He was the one person in my life I thought I had found and I thought we were the exception to all those unhappy couples.
I realize I need to fix myself and that I’m the problem and that was a wake up call for me to understand that I’m hurting him deeply and love alone can’t keep us together. But now this opened a new can of worms that yea, love isn’t guaranteed and he could totally leave me one day. I can’t shake the feeling that our love isn’t real, that LOVE ITSELF isn’t real and not forever for anyone.
I’m going to look into therapy, but in the meantime, any advice? I’ve been so sad all week.