Hard time rn
Hey there. It's my first time posting to this sub, and I just feel the need to talk. I need to know if people feel this way too.
Just want the thoughts to stop, but they won't. I don't want my body to feel foreign and disgusting, I don't want to want something else! I've been trying to say, "Maybe I'm mot trans and I'm just a fraud" that this was just some phase that has been going on for two long! Five years going by this name and feeling weird when people didn't use he/him for me.
I just feel so bad... like I'm not trans enough.
I like "girly stuff" like corsets and skirts. I like crop tops and makeup! But I hate being seen as a woman by anyone, I hate the thought of having gone through puberty and crying when I get out of the shower and see my body in the mirror.
I don't want to think like this, but I just hate it! I feel so wrong in this body, but I don't know if it will ever be worth it to go through surgery.
I want my brother to call me his brother too, but I hate to think if he'll hate me if I tell him how I feel about this body.
I just feel so confused all over again. I just want to know how to cope and how to stop these thoughts.
I know I don't want what I have now, how I look from the neck down. I don't want to be trans, but I don't want to live like THIS. Bursts of fear and sadness at my own body.
I've dreamt of being born a boy... I just wish I never woke up from those dreams, and I wouldn't have to be confused anymore.
This was a rant. I feel like I need this.
I probably do.