u/Grapewife

TW: manipulative behavior and mentions of suicidal ideation.

It started when two of my close friends got into a fight. We're part of a larger community and it was pretty public on there. I tried to mediate by reminding them that each person had a different perspective of the situation and I was not going to take sides. Person A immediately got hurt by that since I did not take her side. She was backed into a corner in front of the friend group so I get that she was on edge. We talked about it but she basically told me I wasn't who she thought I was and because I didn't live up to her expectations of her made-up version of me, she was upset. That kind of stung. I told her I wasn't a yes man and she said she didn't want one. Very contradictory.

I took a break socially from everyone involved. A day later, she asked if she should be avoiding me after I stopped reaching out. I was honest and told her that the stress was getting to me, my mental health wasn't great and I needed a break socially. She agreed and said that it was fine and to let her know if she could help. I made sure she knew it wasn't her fault and was more of a 'straw that broke the camel's back' situation. I just needed alone time.

Next day I started to come out of it, I usually take breaks like this when I need to so I can have a quick recovery. I talked to a separate, uninvolved friend one on one for a bit. Later, I spoke with Person B (the other friend in the fight) one on one which is the first time since. It's worth mentioning she was in a group call and I was not feeling up for that. But, she immediately lost it. Told me I was the reason for her suicidal thoughts and that she hopes my friendship with Person B was worth it. I set boundaries with her, told her I no longer wanted to engage with her after that threat. I told her that how she was treating me like the person of blame was unfair. I wasn't the only one to mediate either. I also added she should seek help if she feels unsafe with herself. I blocked her on all platforms I could think of right after.

Flash forward and I get some fishy notifications of her screenshotting my snapchat, which had not been an app I use often so I forgot to block there. The screenshots were of my full name which I thought was private on my profile and of chat which had a single image saved with personal information in the background. It seems to me she is documenting my personal information and as someone who works as an ethical hacker, she knows this behavior can make someone feel unsafe. I reset boundaries, told her to leave me alone and blocked her there. I talked to a few resources who said my feelings were valid.

I brought this up to an admin in the friend group because of the safety concern that this potentially repeated behavior could happen to others. He talked to her and she just said she wanted proof of our prior friendship. She also said she only took one screenshot, which was a lie. He thought we should all talk in a call together, but frankly that feels unsafe to me and for some reason she wanted to record the conversation for "personal safety and records" as if I gave her reason for that. She also said that accusations like doxing or hacking or otherwise harmful cyber behavior goes against her oath and can be damaging. This gained his trust. It feels like she is skewing the narrative.

It doesn't stop there. Since then, over a week later, she has been camping in any and all group voice calls in our friend group when she would only do so very occasionally for short periods prior. Usually, she opted to talk to me alone instead due to 'exhaustion.' She is trying to isolate me. She knows I will leave or not join if she is there as her behavior makes me feel unsafe. She is also being extremely friendly to mutual friends of ours that she was talking about behind their back not long before this event saying really awful things. If I type in chats with our friends, she takes over what I was saying. I also want to add that since the threat, she has been sitting in calls with Person B and others as well as interacting very friendly with them in visible spaces.

I'm not sure what else to do. I have been avoiding calls with her and standing firm in my boundaries. She's been online drastically more than before. It feels like she wants someone to take the blame and her anger. It's a community I have responsibilities in and cannot just leave, nor do I want to. Should I keep avoiding her in hopes that she will get bored or 'too tired' like she used to claim? Should I assert myself even though it may make others feel awkward and uncomfortable? Something else?

Edit to add: I don't know why she is treating me this way. I'm really struggling with this part. I know some of it is probably just how she is but I can't find any reason for anyone to take something so minor this far.