Idk I got like a few scars and like it kinda bothers me... like I didnt expect them to become like ketoid and hypertropic... its kinda annoying me... idk my body is just bothering me... also i realised when im drunk like everything goes super red... like you see everything. and that kinda freaks me out. bout it tbh
I've been getting like rlly strong urges every now and then and usually i just try to push through them. what do you guys do to like feel better?
-edit
I had a little walk and found that helped
So mini rant. I've been so busy with life im actually panicking. I'm kinda panicking rn. I have a group assignment due and i need to finish it before last minute cause like it also hinges on me being a good groupmate. anyways. I also have work. I work 2 jobs and study full time currently. and lowkey put my body through so much im scared i'll die soon. Like im on a bunch on prescription medication. I take dexies to help with my adhd but i also have a bad caffine problem. the dexies fixed it a little but im super scared im going to have a heart attack. though im also on beta blockers and diuretics so it balances out the bp levels.
Though im also worried about becoming ugly cause like i wanna be pretty but with all this stress and the lack of sleep and just running on pure adrenaline, medicine and the need to have money and study im scared i've permanently ruined my body. that i'll be a gross monster forever just because i wanted to spend a bit more time on my assessment instead of just idk. im so panicked over the fact i may have permenently ruined my life bc of my choices to get more work in. in the past 5 month ive pulled like 17 all nighters. one week was rlly bad where i went like a whole week with like 1-2 hours of sleep everyday. i cant afford to stop cause... idk i need to work to afford rent and groceries. I need to study so i can make more money in the future. i need to save money cause i lost a of it while moving and renovating. i'm still getting paid teenager wages so its absolutely ass. like i was being paid as a minor for my first year at university and i only just got to 18 year old pay. though ive been getting better at not relapsing though its been hard not to...
Sorry this is a weird like rant.
Like this has probably been asked a billion times. Where do you even meet new people esp like with dating and stuff in mind. like ik like uni and such but people there are so like closed off and dont talk to anyone else. i try dating apps but its always guys on there and like lowkey i dont like men all that much. idk this is also lowkey a rant cause ive been listening to a lot of girl in red and in a very strong yearning era of my life. lol. also like especially keeping in mind like schedules. i dont rlly have the time to join clubs outside of work and uni. I like to hang out in the city and like parks but yeah.