u/GrabFragrant571

At a young age something very traumatic was happening to me along the years and I really only remember bits and pieces, this is my first time on this and I doubt anyone would see this or pay it any mind but I’m gonna go a lil in depth. I’m now 20 years old, I was SA’d since I can’t even honestly remember the age which is sad, but I couldn’t escape it. No matter how hard I tried he was always back, a routine. Every weekend. I was so confused and till today in some parts still am. He was my step brother, I’m older than him by a couple months, we were practically always the same age growing up, sick to think I was growing up with my abuser and that’s the biggest part that confuses me. Why? How? he was just a kid too right ? how did he know to be able to do and say the things he did ? so many questions. I honestly always block this out I never talk to anyone about it I js always say my first time wasn’t my time. but no one really knows the age it started. I was so confused I thought he was a freind a brother, I was so used to it that at a point I thought it was normal, that this is what we’re supposed to do, I remember it stopped around age 15 he was about the same age too and it always kept going, I was always so scared of him he would manipulate me in ways I didn’t even know what was going on I was just scared. He would act aggressive on purpose towards others and js look at me as if it was like a warning idk. But i remember the day I was finally set free, I knew it was going to happen again I was so weak I felt guilty myself like as if I had played a roll in it too, but that’s how he wanted me to feel, I now know that. My mother had walked in and he was behind me i was facing the door as soon as you open it and I just gave her this look and she just knew she instantly yelled what the hell he was doing and I js fell to the floor crying sobbing, I knew I was finally free. Those years after were my darkest everything came flooding in I started putting pieces together and drowning myself in the abuse I had been through I started doing stuff to myself I would never thought I would. Till this day I’ve hardly spoke about this the only person other than my mother and sister I’ve told is some nurse at a hospital I opened up and she asked if I wanted to do something about it legally, I js sat their in shock I would never haven even thought that a question like that would be asked towards me silly but idk, I didn’t though idk why I could’ve and he could’ve really paid for ruining my childhood I only remember hazy bits and pieces and I feel like I’m missing a part of me but I couldn’t I just I grew up with him, yes he hurt me, yes I hate him so much but their has to be a root to why he was doing those things too me, did he go through something? At such a young age to be able to do that trick me into thinking interacting in these acts was okay, I don’t know I’m still growing and he is still around not doing anything to me of course but his brother is my half brother and he will js randomly show up and it js icks me, their has been a couple times were even after being caught he would try to text me to do things and ask for thing EVEN OFFERED MONEY but things like that have stopped because I removed him off of my snap, (only had him on their because I had to communicate with him when my younger brother was at his fathers) which I wouldn’t want to do at most times but. Anyways I’m done ranting I know I need therapy and sadly this isn’t the only SA I’ve been throught just the fist to to rip that part out of me stay tuned I guess for next parts maybe this will help me heal Ina way since I never talk about this.