u/Gotsims1

Burrd
Day
🌱 🦌

🐄 🐂

Especially when it comes to dating... I have cptsd from childhood neglect and abuse, have been through the ringer with dating. Sexual violence, more abuse and negligence, just wandering into way too familiar territory I due to repetiton compulsion.

Which leads me to be really guarded and sort of threatening without meaning to sometimes. It's sort of involuntary and I want to stop. I scare people away without meaning to sometimes. I feel like a veteran who can't take a holster with a pistol in it off wherever I go... I guess I feel like I'm unapproachable, but when I try to be, people think it's creepy or manipulative or narcissistic. It's like there's no way to win. :/ Is it better to just embrace that I'm dark and scary? When I do that it seems to just attract equally dark and scary folks, which is ok but some of them are not healthy or good. Some people with their own deep trauma and vigilance are even more toxic than I am. Some of them just create new trauma and intensify my vigilance.

DAE have experiences like this lately? Yesternight I had a very intense dream about running for my life from a man I’ve been seeing who’s proven to be emotionally unsafe. I woke up with tired legs and sore muscles throughout my body as if I was sprinting in my sleep. I haven’t been exercising intensely so idk where else the soreness would have come from.

Today I also woke up feeling similarly fatigued in my muscles. I also feel a pleasant warmth though. Sort of like a trapped blockage of emotion is being released. I’m finding it easier than usual to access sadness. I’ve felt all day as if I’ve been crying intensely, but I’ve also done no such thing as far as I can remember?? Is it possible I’ve been crying in my sleep? My legs and hips still feel tired in spite of not having exercised in my waking hours.

Most of this is attachment wound related stuff from childhood I reckon, and I have experienced before how when my attachment ptsd is triggered and I’m forced to process the trauma—I do get a sense of something being released somewhere in the pelvic area. I get less rigid around those parts too.

Is there an astrological reason why grieving is easy to do right now?