Just want to share a personal realization that is currently changing how I live. Quick background, I’ve struggled with depression and self hatred almost my entire life. Back to when I was 12. Last year on my birthday I was in a relationship that was rocky which led to a not so great birthday.
She ended up cheating later that year and I took it as confirmation of all of the negative things I’ve been telling myself since I was a teenager. I’m unlovable and ended up having serious suicidal thoughts for the first time in 4 years. I spiraled bad because I felt like I lost the only chance I had at having a family. How could anyone love me?
Since then, I’ve been pushing hard in therapy with the help of an amazing therapist who’s helped me dig deeper into why I hate myself so much despite having an amazing support system of family, friends, and peers in my life who express love for me and how much I mean to them.
I still have a hard time accepting I’m loved but I’ve made it a mission this year to be the year I start to learn how to love myself.
Today, I told myself it was okay to celebrate myself. I took myself to a movie (The Drama, I loved it) went to the gym, saw some friends and family, and was showered with messages/posts from people and saw the word “love” so much. I’m literally surrounded by love and have been unable to accept it due to viewing myself through a broken lens.
Don’t give up. Trust those who say they love you. Even if it burns you sometimes. In my opinion, I’d rather fall every once in a while than never love at all.
I know I’m beyond blessed with an amazing support system but I hope whoever sees this and is going through it trusts me when I say, it’ll be hard but you can keep going