Starting to think I should just do it (tw: self-harm, suicide)
For anyone who recalls my post from almost a month ago, its me again. For those of you that don't, I'm not opening my account history to anyone, so I'll recap: I have lost all of my irl friends shortly after coming out to them as trans because I did something stupid and it got both misinterpreted and overblown. So now everyone that is on speaking terms with me that isnt my parents are all people I dont know the faces of.
Anyway, yes I still feel like killing myself, nearly broke and relapsed on my 1 year streak of not cutting (as in was actively holding the blade to my skin contemplating what would come if I pressed/slid). Basically having a mental breakdown rn and trying to decide if my life has any value anymore. Any "friends" I have left ignore me half the time, which i dont blame them for considering time zones, and I've started getting physically sick seeing/hearing any of my former "friends" at school. Add on my parents being trans/homophobic, and you get my shitty fucking life. Can't be myself, cant not be myself, stuck in this fucking cycle of trying to come up with the few meager reasons I have to keep living. Basically quit all of my hobbies considering ALL of them can tie back to said friends that make me sick to even think about, so thats great too.
If you're gonna comment, just know I'll probably be a few hours, considering its midnight and I have school in the morning. Love you sillies, I guess.