Hey guys, I am currently losing my mind. I have lived in an apartment for 8 months with these two other girls (both 19), and I have been dealing with serious mental health challenges. I wouldn't say that I am the cleanest person to live with, but this living situation has fucked me up.
When we moved in, there were no ground rules set and we never ever communicate about anything face-to-face; it is just text messages. You would expect that we would talk about our expectations, but nope. Let me say it in bulletpoints
- Roommate that lives next to me I tried to speak to her but she was mostly being quiet and a little bit unresponsive.
- Their male bestfriend would normally come over every single week and meanwhile these girls never informed me.
- Roommate (lives next to me), had her boyfriend come over 2 times a week and then this man literally moved into the apartment so he practically lived with us for 8 months and never left. I threw the condom away mind you if i did that she will never speak to me again.
- A month after he stayed, he literally left his condom on the countertop in the kitchen and they all went back home for 3 days!!!!
- They would normally use my food items without telling me
- The second roommate would literally avoid me and when I would be behind or coming close to her she would run quickly to go into the house or to leave the house so that she does not see me.
- Initially we would not make any chore list and we would just do what we deemed was messy so I initially did more work and I told myself that I didnt want to be responsible so I started leaving it and then my roommate decided that sometimes it would be left for her to do and decided to do chores.
- I did my chores well and never left it. Meanwhile, the other roommate that was responsible for sweeping and cleaning counter, I have never ever seen her do but she does not get reprimanded.
- Anytime that i presume that I did something that my roommate did not like, instead of addressing it to me, she would give me the silent treatment.
- On many occassion, they left the house and the sink was full of dishes and I decided to wash them (ALL OF THEM). I did not hold any malice because I knew that sometimes my roommate would help me clean up thats how it is.
- On many occassion, they would go out to parties, go to bed and the oven would be on!!!!
I am not saying that I am perfect so this is what I will say that I did:
- sometimes (3 x), I would leave my laundry in the hamper for hours because I am going to class and theyll tell me to bring it out.
- sometimes when I am cooking, i would leave little messes and crumbs on the counter
- i mistakenly took her plantian by accident once
- sometimes i put things in the airfryer in the morning and it was twice that she told me to get it.
- I mistakenely interrupted the dishwasher during the middle of the night on some occassions and she addressed it on text but with so much hostility.
HERE IS THE SITUATION THAT IRRITATES ME
I give my roommates grace, however, they dont. because I realized that the silent treatment was getting worse and she was acting cold towards me. I took accountability because I was always in my room and I didnt have a relationship with them and I was practically depressed and I went through the worse mental health of my life. I REACHED OUT to her and apologzied and told her that I dont mean to put all the work on her and let her tell me if i have done anything wrong. Sincere apology. Then one day, mind you she is responsible for dishes, the past few days i have been washing dishes and I got tired. I left my dishes there for one day. Then she sent me a chain of messages of all the things that I have done for over the past months that Ive been staying there. She kept saying multiple times and i was just thinking to myself that it only happened twice. I dont know how messy I was because they just didnt inform me. I am not even aware of the things i have done. but my only downfall is messes in the kitchen and it doesnt happen all the time and i would even think that I would be informed so it would stop.
- I left the rice cooker water marks on it and on the table without cleaning it.
- I left my food items on the counter and my pan on the stove and she claimed i left it for hours when it literally used to go to my room to do something and come back. Meanwhile she does the exact same time and many times left the pan for days and even sometimes until the end of the day.
- she also mentioned that i leave the cooking utensils in teh dishwasher thats not properly rinsed (she doesn't even know if its me and i wash my dishes very well) and mind you these girls do the exact same thing. One day I found a cup put in the dish washer full of soup stuck at the bottom and when they went back home, i saw a dirty cup full of food put in the counter.
THIS IS NOT EVEN THE ICING ON THE CAKE....
when she told me where i went wrong for the very very first time, i didnt get defensive, i didnt bring up what she did to me, i just apologzied and told her that if anything else she should tell me. She ignored my message.
After my apology, i made the kitchen spotless and it was like she even became more openly passive aggressive and she was trying to hold my mistakes to my head. When I would greet her she would ignore me and I was just thinking that what does this girl want from me. Even sometimes her bf would give me a death glare.
I sent a message on the groupchat about how I dont mind being held to certain standards and they are not meeting it and then she started giving me the silent treatment more and she stopped speaking to me. She would slam her door, wake me up in the morning play fighting with her bf in the room and when I am in the kitchen would leave when I enter.
When they left for the summer break, they took my cooking item and i asked for it and they didnt give it back and I asked for their plans for the summer and if they are coming back or subletting because I am staying, and they completely ignored my message while still using my food items and one of them was still staying in the apartment avoiding me.
PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
Is it okay if they hate me? Do they hate me because there are other stuff I did? Or are they ovverreacting or just hold secret anomisity?