I have been socially anxious since forever. I think I was born this way. Everytime I am with people my mind goes blank. I can’t hold a conversation. But somehow still managed to have very close friends and a boyfriend (that comes up to 3 people in total). I always tell them that there is no way this is the first lifetime where we met, we have met over many many lifetimes and that’s the only explanation of me being able to open up to them like that. It took lifetimes of practice to get here with them.
But I have come to a realisation and it’s killing me- my boyfriend (only one I have ever had) and I have been together since quite some time (6 years) and we have been through a lot together. We were quite young when we got together but now we are adults. I guess the next natural step would be marriage and so I have been going to his place to meet his family a few times but I just cannot make a connection with them. When i go there, I dont know what to do, what to talk about or how to be. They are good people but I do not know if i can ever get close to them. It is very overwhelming for me because he has a big family.
He is loved by his family and (rightfully so) and he has been patient with me but it’s only a matter of time.
Honestly, it took me a long time to get close to my own family and for them to accept me as I am. I don’t think I can do it with his.