u/Good-Structure8608

Been separated for 15 months, divorced for 2 months. She wanted the divorce, I wanted to still fight a bit longer for it. She wasn’t sure if she wanted another relationship, but wanted her independence. We’re still amicable, three teenage kids, after 27 years we still get along fine. She loves me but not in love with me. You know the drill.

And tonight she texted me what 10 months ago would have killed me, she’s dating someone. Now I had been dating A LOT and for a while, so I’ve got no grounds to be upset (not that I would if I wasn’t dating), but still, I initially felt almost sick to my stomach. My person of 27 years has replaced me. I’m officially a failure. She’s officially moved on.

But then a feeling of not really caring also hit? Like a want her to be happy, I want him to be nice and nice to my kids, and that’s kinda it. I don’t really miss her and I’m seeing an amazing woman. It’s weird, I’ll always have a place in my heart for her. But I’m also over her as well?

Regardless, I couldn’t have ever imagined being okay after hearing this news. But i think I’m alright.

I (the dad) had my kids this past Mother’s Day. Made sure the kids got my ex gifts, cards and texted her. They were also going to visit her later that evening for an event they always attend together on Sunday. Based on past experience she always wanted time away from the kids on Mother’s Day. So I left it at that. But now that we share them 50 50? Not so much.

I texted her Sunday asking if she wanted the kids to visit. She replied that it wasn’t necessary but that she was disappointed that they didn’t reach out on their own to set something up with her. She didn’t want to force them or be a burden to them though. I told her they are teenagers and getting them to do anything is like pulling teeth. I then sent the kids over to her place and that sorta helped. She was definitely bummed out though and I should have said something to the kids earlier (without her knowing). She’s a great mom and I regret that she felt that way.

What REALLY threw me though was in the 15 months that we’ve been separated (3 months divorced) she has showed absolutely ZERO emotions towards the breakup. Absolutely zero tears, zero regrets, zero sadness, in fact, she appears to be loving life (travels constantly, concerts, stays out late, tattoos), I mean LOVING her new life (after 27 years together).

Just weird seeing her get emotional (even if it was over text). I guess the kids can still drag that side out of her. Damn I wish I handled that better.

Anyone feel the same? My situation is a bit unique as I don’t hate her, we’re still friendly, she’s a good person and a great mom. We were together for 27 years and we had our challenges but for the most part it’s mostly happy memories. Since we have kids erasing her would also be a little tricky, especially all those family memories.

I was at an event for my son last Saturday. We sat together and spoke about a few things. My brain jumps around and one moment I see a future where we all hang out with the kids (like a few times a month just to eat dinner) and other times I’d rather not even be in the same room with her.

I don’t wish her ill at all, in fact I hope she finds whatever happiness I couldn’t give her. And it’s not like I think about her constantly, I really don’t. I just figure if it weren’t for our children, I’d be fine with never speaking with her again, and that’s weird after 27 mostly good years.

Or all this is just the crazy mental journey our brains put us through in divorce…..I’ll probably feel differently next week. I probably need more therapy….