TW: Suicide talk
It’s been a month and a half of no sexual feeling, general anhedonia, emotional blunting, erectile dysfunction. All my doctor’s done is prescribe me viagra and wellbutrin and deny anything serious has happened. I can’t remember what it’s like to be genuinely happy or sad anymore. Ten days of a low dose of zoloft and I’m an impotent emotional cripple for life. What a bunch of bullshit. Just a sick fucking joke at my expense. I can’t do the rest of my life like this, it’s a genuine hell, I wouldn’t wish this total lack of good feeling and endorphins on anyone. I know I sound like a crank but this is just fucking devastating. Fuck this and fuck me for thinking I’d be okay, and fuck everyone who sidelines or marginalizes anyone who ends up having problems with SSRIs. All I’ll say is that if I didn’t have my parents and sibling I would’ve shot myself by now. Nothing works, nothing feels good, I don’t feel guilt or pride or contentment or love or sadness or joy, I’m done. This can’t be the rest of my life, day after day of feeling nothing, so numb and dead that I can’t even feel proper sorrow or loss.