So, what should I do? I'm not sure if my boyfriend is the right person for me, but I love him very much. (21M, 20F)O
I don’t understand: is the problem with me or with my boyfriend? I love my boyfriend, but there are a number of problems that make me unsure if he’s the person I want to be with.My boyfriend (21M) I (20F)
- He rarely helps me with any issues, even small everyday ones, simply because he doesn’t want to or says, 'You can handle this yourself.'
- There’s no point in going to him for emotional support. For example, there was a recent holiday, and we had a fight -mostly my fault. We argued literally from morning until night. By midday, I apologized for my behavior and asked him to come over, but he went to celebrate at his mom’s place, and when I said how bad I felt, he told me, 'Don’t bother me, we’re celebrating.' By the end of the day, he still hadn’t come, and of course, he didn’t give me a gift. When I asked why, he answered that he felt bad too, so why should he be the one to come?
- He has a friend who really doesn’t like me. To be clear: my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. All this time, his friend has shown a very negative attitude toward me, saying things about me both behind my back and to my face (about various topics -both my appearance and my behavior). This friend’s dislike for me is most likely caused by the fact that my boyfriend often tells him about my mistakes but never mentions any of the good things I do. So, throughout our entire relationship, my boyfriend has never once stood up for me.
- Sometimes he mocks my feelings. About a month ago, I told him about two problems in our relationship that really worry me, and he just laughed, saying it was nonsense. Only after I started crying did he agree to discuss it with me.
- Very often, our arguments follow old patterns. He makes the exact same mistakes and promises to change, but it never happens.
I know he loves me. He often brings me little sweet treats, meets me from university several times a week, and walks me home. He’s very caring: he often cooks for us, and if I’m cold, he’ll always give me even his last piece of clothing just to keep me warm. He’ll spend his last money to make me happy - to buy me a snack or some little thing I really want. We go on dates fairly often, and about once every three months, he buys me flowers. But the downsides I listed still really bother me.
To give you the full picture: I’m not a perfect girlfriend either. I often start arguments and don’t always compromise. Also, I don’t really like too much physical touch, and I might ask him not to touch me, even though I know he loves it. I can answer him rudely if I’m in a bad mood.
TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but he rarely supports me emotionally, never defends me from his friend, mocks my feelings, and repeats the same mistakes. He is caring in practical ways (food, small gifts, walking me home), but I’m unsure if this is enough. I’m also not perfect. Should I stay or leave?
What do you think — how bad is this situation?
p.s. sorry for my bad english