u/Good-Imagination7501

I recently had a light bulb moment after talking to my friend about autism. Basically I realized that this explains EVERYTHING I’ve been doing/ experiencing in my life. I felt a massive wave of relieve and clarity hit me and then I realized, wait. What if I’m just attention seeking? So I made a list of everything that concerns me about 3 pages long and booked an appointment with a psychiatrist in my university’s clinic (Thailand). I then sat down and awkwardly talked to him about everything and near the end I finally brought up how I think I might be autistic because of all of this because I was worried that I’d be seen as trying to force the autism diagnosis. My psychiatrist immediately dismissed autism because I do well in my studies/ not struggling academically.

I feel crushed. I feel unsatisfied. I just wanted to be 100% sure that it’s actually autism so I can finally feel fully relieved and not feel like I’m attention seeking or faking it.

T/W: Suicidal ideation/ mental illness/ fat shaming

Please tell me it’s not hopeless. My mental state has always been going up and down. When it’s down, it gets really really dark really fast. I immediately want to kill myself. Over every little thing.

I got diagnosed with PCOS last year and all I was told was to “change my lifestyle”. Why is it actually so hard to do so? I’m 165cm 79kg and I’ve been fat shamed non stop by my family and it’s not like I don’t want to lose weight, I really do, but it’s so so fucking hard. I’ve been having my periods w 2-3 months gap and I get really bad cramps on the right side of my pelvic area. I also struggle with binge eating, and I get really tired so easily even when I’ve been lying around all day. Everything feels so heavy. What can I actually do? I get really flaky scalp and I’ve been made fun of that and no matter what I do it never seems to go away. I also like I said, get bullied for my weight. People also keep pointing out my pimples my gross skin and my facial hair that grows fast. I’m so tired. I feel so hopeless. What do I do? What do I eat for starters? All I know is that whenever I eat any type of bread my body feels super duper shit. I struggle a lot with night cravings too.

Could it get better? I feel so hopeless and even suicidal because of this. I already struggle a lot mentally and with all of this it just seems to get worse and worse. I feel like this world wasn’t meant for someone like me and if I keep continue living things will only get worse. Please tell me it’s worth living. Please tell me things could get better. Please tell me this life is worth fighting for, for someone like me. My mind is in a really dark place and my whole body feels so heavy. I’m also constantly in pain from cramps to the point where I’m somewhat used to it but also notice it’s always there.