Disagreement over wedding expenses split
It’s an arranged marriage, but we’ve taken a few months to decide, not just a few dates. While discussing wedding arrangements, I suggested that we split everything 50-50, book a resort, and have all functions together with both families staying there. He said we should instead do a 60-40 split where I pay more.
I asked him his rationale, especially since the functions are common and the number of guests is almost equal. He said that traditionally the bride’s side pays more, and that they have already spent a lot on his four sisters’ weddings, so now it’s my turn. He also mentioned that he would be spending from his savings, to which I said the same applies to me because I am not gonna take anything from my parents (except my mom's saris and jewellery). he said you could take from them but since I started earning I always wanted to sponsor and fund my own wedding and i don't wanna take money from them.
I explained that times have changed and nowadays both sides usually contribute equally. He responded that things are still not like that. his cousin is getting married and they are still following the traditional practise of the guy paying for Sangeet and bride for the wedding. He also said that in the future he would need to spend on his sisters when they visit, so he wants to save. I told him it’s not fair to expect me to pay more for the wedding because of that.
We both can afford the expenses and we both earn. So affordability is not an issue. I said we also need to gift gold to his 4 sisters (he indicated that we have to) so 50-50 is fine because we have more expenses to take care of.
The discussion turned into an argument. he said you can easily afford the extra expense and bride side should pay more is normal. at the end he got agitated and commented "they say it right girls earn but don't wanna spend" and said we can do 50-50, but then all future expenses will also be split. I already contribute in many situations even when we go out, I pay at times, and I also spend on my own family so his comment that “girls earn but don’t want to spend” felt completely untrue and hurtful. I just didn't understand any of his reasons when I genuinely asked him if he has a rationale for 60-40 ......- bride should pay more
.......-they paid for 4 sisters
.......-he got to spend on his sisters when they visit
.......-character attack on me saying "girls don't spend" or I am too forward
......- that my parents have only 2 kids so they can spend on my wedding. But I didn't ask his parents to have 5 kids. It's their personal choice and my parents choice to have only 2. Why should that define how to split.
I didn't understand any of this.