This morning I sat on the toilet while my boyfriend was showering, we got on a touchy subject, and I rolled my eyes which then made him think it was okay to open the sliding glass door and chuck a sopping wet loofa at my face. I was extremely wet and I was in shock he did that, so I sat there on the toilet with a dumbfounded look on my face frozen because I thought to myself did he really just do that….
He then told me to get out and he was disgusted with me. (Please be kind, this topic was about if our child was to ever become gay, and how he would make him feel fire on his butt if he ever expressed or showed interest in liking a boy) Mind you I’m 30 weeks pregnant and my emotions are all over the place. The reason for the eye roll was because I was trying to state that I wouldn’t, but I can never get a word out without him overtaking me. I haven’t felt really supported through this pregnancy (it’s my first baby) we tend to argue a lot and he’s always saying he can’t wait till the pregnancy is over so I can stop making things (my feelings) as an excuse to the way I act (my EMOTIONS).
I don’t feel loved, I’ve felt more distanced from him being pregnant than not, and I’m stuck feeling as if I just got disrespected. So I left the bathroom, I went into my spare room sat on the floor and just cried like a baby. I don’t know if I’m more upset that he overreacted, or if the fact he thought it was a smart option for him to throw a wet loofa at me. I feel degraded. So before he left for work he came in and said he was sorry, we have a child on the way, but also at the same time he doesn’t feel bad because it wasn’t “hard” well no crap it wasn’t hard, but it was wet.
And it made me feel really bad about myself. He told me he loved me and in my head I said you do not love me. This isn’t love. Especially because I’m pregnant. I just felt like a woman who got water dumped on her head. He’s gone now (for work) and my heart just really hurts. I’m trying to calm down because I know it’s not good for the baby, and I also know when he comes home he’s going to want to act like nothing happened.? I hate that I have to question my own feelings and how I process things. I guess this is just my way of venting.