I hate the way my mom uses my niece as a way to bring me shame about cutting and my scars. She always says some bullshit like "what are you gonna say when she asks about them?" Or "what if she starts copying you?"
I already feel enough shame about my scars and the way she constantly says stuff like that makes me want to avoid my niece because I'm scared that she'll copy me. She has no idea how much I already worry about making sure my niece doesn't see my scars often. This is just so fucking unfair.
Her constantly saying that just makes me want to relapse more, it's even worse that I relapsed after 3 years. She doesn't make this shit any easier, especially when she talks about doing random body checks for cuts.
It tempts me to just cut myself so much that she gives up and stops her bullshit.
I can't wait to get out of this house.