Together 10 years & engaged but I’m no longer sure…
I think I know what needs to happen now. But I’m financially not sure I can make it work. And it also fills me with extreme amounts of guilt.
TLDR; ten years later, not going anywhere in life. I know I should leave, but he’ll have nothing if I do.
This is going to be long but I need to set it all out on the table — I need some tough love. I need some direction that I’m going to make the right decision.
In 2015 I had just gotten out of an extremely toxic relationship. I didn’t speak or flirt with boys for about 6 months. I finally decided to download some dating apps. It was so bad that after 3 days I was about to delete when I got a NORMAL message. “Hello, how are you doing on this beautiful day?”
He looked almost like the lead singer of a band I loved & he was older — I thought to myself “SCORE”
Three days later we hung out — and haven’t really had time apart since.
He was 26 & I was 20 when we got together.
We clicked instantly and have had many, many great times.
Every moment spent with him was so much fun. Getting to know each other, his family. Adopting my first dog. All of the memories. You get it, it’s the honeymoon phase. Until it’s not.
He has a serious dependency on weed, he had problems with meeting other girls online & not telling me until I asked 20 times. Things we were able to move past & have tough conversations about.
But here’s the thing, he doesn’t drive, he’s had one job for 4 hears and hasn’t worked since. He doesn’t do very well at cooking or cleaning. And we fight a lot because of it.
He has pretty serious anxiety & agoraphobia but doesn’t do anything to try & better his mental health.
He sleeps all day. He’s so depressed it’s depressing for me. He takes care of himself hygiene wise. But that’s about it for the past few years.
I had to actually go through bankruptcy. I won’t get too deep into details there — but it paints the picture.
And this is where that extreme guilt comes in & I don’t know how to get past it.
He’ll have nothing without me. What happens when his parents die. What if this is the thing that ends his life? What if I leave and he changes his whole life and I only got the sad version and didn’t hold on long enough for the him I know he can be.
I don’t know anymore & I can’t write any more because it makes me sick.
Please just tell me what I need to hear…