u/Glum_Ad_8942

For context, Reddit took down my original post, so I reposted it today by copying and pasting what I had originally written. The situation I’m updating about actually happened yesterday.

This is about my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend (C). She would come to me a lot to vent about her relationship, and recently there was a situation where I didn’t agree with how she handled something. When I tried to be honest with her about it, it didn’t go well.

At first, I genuinely wanted to keep the friendship. I took space because I was overwhelmed and didn’t feel right acting like everything was normal when it wasn’t. I told her I wasn’t mad, I just needed space—but she kept pushing for answers anyway, which honestly made everything worse.

When I was finally ready to talk, I sent her a long message explaining how I felt. I told her I didn’t agree with what happened, that it bothered me she didn’t take accountability, and that accountability is really important to me in friendships, but especially in relationships. I also told her I didn’t like being pushed when I asked for space and that I think we need to stop talking about relationship stuff/exes because it was starting to affect me in a negative way.

Her response? Just “ok.”

After I tried to keep things mature and said I appreciated her hearing me out, she followed it up with “yeah I just don’t want to think about it anymore.”

That’s honestly what changed everything for me.

It made me realize she doesn’t actually want accountability—she just wants someone to vent to and agree with her. And there’s a huge difference between venting and constantly complaining while refusing to reflect or take any responsibility.

I don’t want to be that person for someone.

I’m not angry, but I definitely see things differently now. The whole friendship feels one-sided and honestly kind of draining. I don’t feel like I can be real with her without it turning into this, and that’s not the kind of friendship I want.

At this point, I’m just stepping back and letting it fade. I’m not going to force something that doesn’t feel right anymore.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and respond—I really appreciate all the perspectives.

I (26F) am friends with my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend (21F), “C.” She often sends me Snapchat videos venting about her boyfriend (24M), “R.” Sometimes I agree with her, but other times I think she overreacts. I usually tell my boyfriend about bigger issues since it involves his best friend.

For context, C seems to think we’re really close—like best friends—but I’ve honestly never felt that way. She always has her boyfriend with her when we hang out, and we don’t really spend time one-on-one. There was even a time we made plans with both of our boyfriends’ moms to go Christmas shopping, they took off work for it, and she bailed last minute to hang out with her boyfriend. I ended up just spending the day with both moms.

Recently, C found medication belonging to one of R’s exes at his house. She left, then went back when he asked to talk—but instead of talking, she locked herself in his room (he lives with his parents) and went through his things. She found old items from past relationships, including a high school love note.

I told her I thought that was an invasion of privacy and that she owed R (and honestly his parents) an apology. She refused and said R owed her an apology.

That really bothered me. It felt like she wasn’t coming to me for advice, just for validation to talk badly about him.

After that, I stopped engaging with her. She reached out asking what was wrong and said she “doesn’t do drama.” I told her I wasn’t mad, just needed space to process. She kept pushing me to talk even after I said I wasn’t ready. When I explained I was disappointed, she brushed it off as “not that serious” and said I misunderstood.

At that point, it felt like my feelings didn’t matter unless I agreed with her. It also made me question continuing any kind of relationship with her, because it feels like she just wants a yes-man. I don’t want that in my friendships—I’d rather have friends who call me out when I’m wrong, and I don’t feel like I’d ever get that from her.

This whole situation has been stressing me out. I don’t like constantly hearing someone talk badly about their partner—especially when it’s my boyfriend’s best friend—and I don’t feel comfortable being in the middle.

I still haven’t talked to her and honestly don’t know if I want to continue the friendship. What she did felt like a major boundary violation, and her refusal to take accountability is a big issue for me.

So… AITAH for distancing myself?