I (29F) planned to stay with my brother Jacks (31M) his wife Clara (27F) while him and my husband (E3 military, single income) deploys for 6–8 months. I’d have my 1-year-old with me.
We agreed months ago that I’d help by covering groceries (~$400–$600/month), cooking for everyone, and bringing my own appliances. I cook/bake a lot, so I figured that was a fair contribution.
A week before moving, they suddenly said they want $800/month plus I handle my own groceries or split them with Clara.
This didn’t sit right, especially given our history. For example, when my husband had to leave for a week for training, I was 4 months postpartum, alone with a newborn going through a sleep regression, in a new town with no support. Clara had agreed weeks in advance to come stay with me and help. Then the day before she was supposed to come, she canceled because my brother convinced her it was “too dangerous” for her to drive 5 hours alone—even though I had driven 11 hours by myself while pregnant to visit them. They strung me along for weeks just to cancel last minute when I really needed help.
On another trip, we all agreed to split theme park costs, including food passes. My husband and I paid our share, but once we got there, they kept using our food pass without paying us back. We ended up stretching what should’ve been our meals, splitting food while I was breastfeeding and needed the calories, while they ordered freely.
That same trip, we drove 6–8 hours with our baby to visit them, and the moment we got there they decided to go to a theme park that day. We said we needed to rest, and they just left us there after inviting us out.
Another time, I was visiting without a car. They were eating a full meal in front of me and didn’t offer anything. After they finished, I asked my brother if he could take me to get food, and he said only if I paid for his meal too. I said no, and I didn’t eat until I got dropped off at my friend’s place later.
They say their mortgage/utilities went up, which I understand—but they also live above their means. We already offered $400–$600 on a tight budget, and now it feels like they’re trying to squeeze more out of us.
My husband and I worked hard to pay off $30k in debt, so we’re careful with money. I even asked what the $800 would actually help with because I don’t want to fund their lifestyle if nothing changes.
At this point, it just feels calculated and unfair. We have other options, but I originally chose them because they’re family.
AITA for backing out and not wanting to stay with them anymore?