I'm very close to giving up
I honestly don't even know where to begin. I'm feeling really really depressed about everything. I come from an EXTREMELY dysfunctional family where my dad gets triggered very randomly, and my mom never misses an opportunity to trigger him. When they fight, it really gets bad, it gets physical and stuff. Today, almost the same thing happened. The thing is, I don't even know what caused them to fight because I was in the washroom ffs. Then I come and see them shouting at each other and my dad's close to hitting her with an umbrella. I protected my mom, and I tried to de-escalate the things by calming my dad, which usually never happens. So i was sitting there with him, trying to understand. He went on saying disgusting things about my mom and my sister. My sister's abroad. I love her so fucking much. But at that point, I couldn't tell anything to him because I was scared. I was literally shivering. But now that it's been an hour or so since it happened, and he has gone to sleep, I am thinking about it, and I genuinely am feeling disgusted just thinking about him, I am feeling disgusted at myself, because I should have taken a stand for her. I feel so shitty and I don't think I can live like this anymore. Everyday feels like walking on eggshells. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I just wanted a record I guess, of what I was going through.