How to fix my relationship with my mom
I am 16 and im struggling with my mom. We used to be so close. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything but now there is this major strain and i dont know what to do.
It a started when i got into my first relationship(it has ended now). She saw a good thing and wanted me to be fulfilled but she ended up pushing me into things i wasn't ready for, she became very controlling always reading my texts and sometimes even typing for me. I will admit by doing so she actually helped me through alot of fights but it became alot and most of our fights stemmed from my relationship.
We fought alot and we are both tired of fighting. I said harsh things: she was controlling, dictating to me how to live and that she needs to let go. I pushed her away and i hurt her alot when all she was doing was trying to help me, we can't even have a conversation without fighting or me crying. We don't talk anymore and everytime we do its tense and i am very jumpy.
I explained to her that i am sorry for breaking our bond and ruining our relationship but she blames herself and says she is a bad mother. She told me that she is stepping back and letting me make my own mistakes, but it feels like she has given up (and i dont blame her i have been an awful daughter) she also said that i have hardened my heart and that i have greatly changed.
I never wanted this, i just want my mom again, i want things to go back to the way they were, she was only controlling because she wanted to help and protect me. Everything she does she does out of love and all i ever do is fight, i miss our bond and i want it back but i dont know how to mend our relationship.
What do i do?