Hi everyone! I come from a very religious background. I attended Catholic church with my grandparents until about 8th grade when I went Non-denominational, after my parents returned to church. I have a lot of childhood trauma that I didn’t realize had been affecting me until I reached college. I started to go through this mental health crisis around my sophomore year of college. I started reading the Bible from the beginning and I just remember thinking, “Hmm, well this doesn’t seem right. Why do all these people have to die?” Lol. Initially, I wanted to read it to alleviate my stress and just re-ground me, but I found it only made things worse for me, as it left me with even more questions and doubts than before. As I was reading, something clicked- I’ve always had this subconscious overwhelming fear of hell in the back of my mind. I think the fear of hell has been driving me a lot towards being religious, and it took me 22 years to realize that. I just wanted to post this on a thread where I won’t feel judged and I feel this community may have some advice for me as I am navigating this weird time of my life.
I would not go as far as to say I am atheist, but I have definitely not been “religious” lately. I haven’t been attending church because it would just make me feel guilty for attending while I’m having these feelings. The more research I do, the less sense Christianity makes to me. My whole family is still super religious. It’s hard because this is all I’ve known my entire life and it’s a force of habit to just start praying sometimes. I really just need help as I am fresh out of college, super lost and confused right now. I am open to any advice or words of wisdom!! It would be much appreciated!!!!