Want husband to give me a biblical out
I’m a 31F married for 2yrs and 4 months to my husband 41 years old.
Our marriage has been an unloving one ever since it began. We’ve been together since July 2021. I realise that this is not a God ordained marriage. 9 months into what I thought was our dating relationship, God gave me a very clear signal that this was a NO-GO when my husband opened his phone while we were sitting on the sofa together and I saw he was still actively talking to other women on dating apps (we met on Hinge). I ignored that sign and continued on because I was insecure, unsure of myself, thought I could engineer love. I thought if I got married, it would fix every insecurity and feeling of lack of love that I had. I thought I’d be complete. I recognise now that I had made marriage my idol.
Now I am paying the price in this hell of a marriage to a man I strongly believe is a narcissist (he demonstrates ALL the signs of one), the marriage is devoid of any emotion intimacy, I’ve literally had to stop talking to him for my SANITY sake and PEACE, zero intimacy, no oneness. The only good thing I can say about my husband honestly is that he provides. No problems there. Big house and bills are paid. I guess that’s one of the reasons I stuck this relationship out.
One good thing about this failure of a marriage is I have had to completely turn to God for help because honestly I think my husband is just waiting for me to have a breakdown. Our fights have been horrific, I mean physical fights, police call outs, children’s social services. I haven’t left because I feel almost stuck having a 2 year old and a 6 month old, I’m still on maternity leave and we are financially dependent on him for the roof over our heads. I filed for divorce in March then withdrew because I was like well what the hell am I going do with 2 kids by myself and then we had a crazy fight in April and I was like no I have to leave and filed again, I withdrew but the notification of divorce got sent out to him anyway and he received the letter for divorce I saw it open on his bed and he didn’t say anything to me. He doesn’t give a damn about me or this marriage.
I say all this to say, I’m at the point now where I’d fall to my knees in gratitude if he could just tell me he has found another woman and he wants to move on. I’m not sure why I’m writing this or what I’m expecting anyone to say here but I guess I’m saying this because I feel torn on God not seeing this marriage as done until death or adultery. I didn’t understand really what I was getting into when I said my vows but I did know in my heart that I knew the marriage would never last but I didn’t think it would breakdown so soon. I was pregnant when we were getting married though so imagine how stupid I would’ve looked saying no to a marriage proposal while pregnant. As sad as it is, my prayer now is honestly that God would have mercy on me and my kids and just send another woman my husband’s way so I can get out of this hell I’ve found myself in. I’d feel sorry for the other woman though.