real event ocd help (again) :(
hello 23F here! i posted in here around 2 months ago because i was struggling a lot with real event ocd and i got a really helpful comment which among other things mentioned how checking reddit is also a compulsion, so i took in those words and genuinely stopped that, as hard as it was.
even now as i'm writting this here on reddit i can at least say i haven't been scrolling through here and seriously only came to ask for advice on my own post because i currently cant go therapy. (hopefully soon tho😓)
2 months ago i forced myself as hard as i could to deal with the thoughts but cease the looking stuff up, the confessing, reassurance seeking, mental replaying of things over and over etc and i mentioned how i kept trying to at least keep doing stuff i like despite it being hard. that's still true and for these two months i actually was doing okay.
and now suddenly the same event came to me again and it feels like it came even stronger. i'm still trying really hard but it got triggered really badly by simply finding out how GREATLY and SWEETLY someone spoke about me to one of my family members. how ridiculous that sounds but thats ocd for you😭 it feels vile for anyone to have a good opinion of me lol
i swear i mean it when i say i am trying and i DO see progress in how i deal with things, but this week has been specially rough and i just want some general ocd advice, NOT reassurance just genuine advice specially on how to... enjoy things again? because although at the very least i still go out and meet up people, this week i havent even listened to my favorite band. and i havent played my instruments which usually helps me when i struggle with literally ANYTHING else and its my favorite thing to do. i havent drawn at all. i message my friends but i keep giving curt replies which is SO unlike me but it's like i cant do better than that. my appetite has been so drastically bad that even my mom pointed out how thin i was getting.
i am really not in danger and i guarantee that, but it feels like this week especially im looking at life through lenses of already being over, like im looking at the credits. i kept crying today and trying the hardest i possibly could to not "relapse" on my google searching and so on, it actually felt like i was physically fighting it.
i know this post sounds a bit sad and i apologize if it breaks any rule, but ultimately im really just asking for advice on how to manage these really low moments when actively fighting against compulsions. anything will help :)