I don't want to disclose my age,but I have serious graduation exams which will define if I can enter a university.
Since 5 years old,I remember my family being an awful place with constant quarreling between my parents. Fast forward to now,I have been procrastinating on preparing for exams for 3 months(I have 1 month left),because I cannot take it anymore. My mother drinks so much(a bottle of rum and a beer in one evening yesterday)and makes constant scandals all the time. I am always in the wrong for something,it is my fault for being born a male,she ignores me saying that I don't like her touching me and still does it,I don't know if my father is any better,but at least he doesn't scream constantly. I cannot call the police,because it will make everything worse. I live in a country where reporting home abuse will have poor consequences for me. My only hope is passing exams and then additional exams at the uni,so I can leave this place,but I don't think I can. My country's economical state is also not so good,but I cannot move to another country,because of the government. I might also have problems with recruitment,since I have troubles with my health,but they are ignored. During the summer of this year I thought that I had found someone who genuinely loves me,but it was just a trick,fortunately,I didn't lose much. I don't have anyone to talk to irl,all my old friends moved on from me and just ignore me.I have some online friends,I wish to see them,but I don't want to fuck their brains out now and some of them are not great at supporting,though they are good people. Is it possible to prepare for exams in 1 month? If you have any similar experience,tell me if you found any way out,because I am thinking about suicide,but I won't do it,since I am scared of it too. I have been trying to lift my spirits,I am an avid fan of Fromsoft games and whole "Hope and ball" culture,but I have not felt any genuine affection or a normal emotion for so long,that it doesn't help. I always feel at fault for something,I always need to do something sinde my parents don't trust each other. I think I might have depression,since my pills for nervous system don't help and I am feeling nothing except frustration.Please,tell me,if it is possible to make it in 1 month with prior knowledge of material(relatively good)or I am fucked.