I Don’t Like My Husband
And I’m being nice by using “don’t like”.. I h—- him.
I’m not sure if he’s “just not the man I married” or if I was so infatuated and just didn’t see it…
I (43F) have been married to him (56M) for 14 years now… and we are fundamentally very different humans…
I feel like I didn’t always feel that way, but I don’t even like him as a human in general…
He is quick to anger, racist, rude, mean, the more I see things online etc… I think he might be emotionally abusive… He’d never physically hurt me but he emotionally hurts me pretty much in a daily basis…
He has mental health issues (depression, anger etc…) but refuses to consider therapy as he’s “just as smart if not smarter than any therapist”… He’s also never been diagnosed because again, won’t go talk to someone.
He blames how he is & how he thinks is so low of himself on his parents & childhood but doesn’t do anything to work on it…
(I love his parents by the way)
He blames anything that isn’t right in his/our life on them or on me…
He is rude and disrespectful in situations that don’t call for it - like we were at a coffee shop and instead of self-serve milk they poured the milk behind the counter and instead of just, like thinking “Ok not they place for me I won’t come here again” he says something about it to the person and it’s not usually what he says (although sometimes it is) it’s the torn in how he says things…
He can’t let people have their own opinions or thoughts on things - basically if you don’t agree or see his viewpoint on things - you are an idiot and he’s going to make sure he speaks to you in a way that you know you are stupid & worthless…
He de-values that my job is hard too - sure it’s just an office job but it takes a lot of brain power! He has a physical trades job and the commute is an hour or more each way… so yeah - I have to work full time and do everything and I try my best…
And if it’s not done I’m lazy, I’m fat & unmotivated… I don’t appreciate that his job is so hard & that he pays for our whole lives& I have no clue what it’s like… etc…
I’m not able to feel upset or sad or mad every, even if he’s just yelled at me for literally no reason because then he gets in a depression about being mean to me & I just have to console & be like “it’s ok, I understand you were trustee at XYZ and not really me”
I’m just always waiting for the next time he’s going to be mad about the shoes I didn’t get to putting away yet or that a piece of broccoli went bad in the fridge because we didn’t eat it in time or the shirt he’s wearing feel small because he’s put on weight and I need to be better at making us exercise more and never have treats etc…
I feel like it wasn’t like this at the beginning…
I want to leave but don’t see how I possibly could… I’d never make it on my own… I’d miss his family… I’m too old to be starting over the way I’d have to…
I don’t know that I could live on my own…
I don’t have my own family here…
I wish I never married him.